After completing my entry about Mt vernon last night, I feel there is more I should add before telling you about the port being fitted.
After a good few hours of blogging I decided to go through to the ward and watch a film (The Girl with a Dragon Tattoo for those of you that want to know). It was a fair sized ward but only 5 ladies were there for the night. Two ladies had chemo treatments that would be going on until just after midnight , Shirley who was having the port in the morning too and Margaret who had been in for a few days.
I didn’t really speak to anyone at this time as I was a bit zoned out after blogging for so long, so just got myself into bed and stuck my headphones on. This was a relief actually as the machines that infuse the chemo make a very monotonous whirring noise and beep a lot, and it’s still a bit close to the end of my treatment for these sounds not to affect me, watching the film drowned out the noises and took my brain somewhere else for a bit.
At about 9pm I decided to stretch my legs and go to the loo, on my way out I met June (one of the ladies having treatment till the early hours). We ended up having a lovely chat and I discovered that while I was in my blog zone earlier I had totally missed her awful allergic reaction to her chemo which was why she was still hooked up to the machine.
I really enjoyed meeting June, she had had Ovarian Cancer 2 years ago and had recently had other tumors discovered in several other areas and was having treatment again. After my comments on my earlier entry about finding it difficult to talk to people in this very situation, I found June so refreshing, she has a very similar outlook to me and is definately not a “victim”. We talked for ages about all sorts of things, illness related and non illness related, all I can say is I can finally understand how people see me as inspiration as I found June to be the same and really enjoyed meeting her. We chatted some more in the morning and all I can say is her family are blessed with a wonderful woman. Thanks for your company June x
So onto the procedure. At 9.30am the Doctor came round with a consent form for me to sign to allow the operation to take place, then straight away I was given a premed and a jab of pethadine in my bum cheek before being whisked over to radiology.
I felt very relaxed and a little bit light headed but didn’t feel at all anxious (the drugs were doing their job well). I was wheeled into the radiology suite and transfered over to the operating table.
They explained once again exactly what would be happening and said they just needed to get prepped before they could begin. They then proceeded to scrub me with iodine and alcohol then covered me up with blue sheets with just my chest area and my face poking out. At this point I was most nervous about the local anathestic injection as I knew that would sting.
The jab wasn’t that bad after all and it definately worked as I had no pain during the procedure at all. There was lots of weird tugging at my flesh and the surgeon kept complaining about the disposable scissors they have to work with not grabbing the thread and not cutting properly!
The staff in there were lovely, chatting about all sorts of things like butterflies being released a friends wedding and of course Pampered Chef (the xray lady had recently bought a food chopper and was singing its praises!).
The whole procedure was done in 40 minutes and I was back on the ward an hour after I left.
I have the feeling of a stiff neck (as if I’ve been laying in a draft all afternoon) and the two sites that have been cut open are tender and I feel a bit bruised and battered, but nothing a paracetamol won’t keep on top of.
So I rang Jay to come and collect me and I was back home by 1.30pm. All ready for my first Herceptin treatment to be administered on Tuesday, 23rd November.
Friday, 22 October 2010
Thursday, 21 October 2010
Mount Vernon Hospital Trip
Today I have had to come to Mount Vernon (for the first time ever) to have some blood tests prior to having a Portacath fitted.
In the last few sessions of Chemotherapy my veins have started to complain and one has even collapsed completely! This is hardly surprising as the toxicity of the drugs that have been pumped into my body is pretty high. After my second treatment the vein used became hard and sore (bruise kind of pain) and my 5th treatment required 3 attempts to get a needle in and the 6th took 4!
Before I started Chemo it was mentioned to me about getting a portacath fitted, but it was dismissed due to me being young and my veins are strong so there should be no need for me to have one, but it would be re-evaluated as my treatment goes on.
Seemingly even young, strong veins can’t handle it in all cases and after cycle number 4 when my arms were starting to hurt when i roll my sleeves up (from the pressure on my forearms) I decided to bite the bullet and ask for the consultant to refer me to get a port fitted.
They had no problems in referring me for it as I had another 18 treatments of Herceptin to follow after the chemo and my veins would still struggle with them being used every 3 weeks. The only problem was that it had to be done at Mount Vernon and there was a bit of a wait to get it fitted, which may mean it wouldn’t be done in time for any of my chemo treatments (which obviously it wasn’t).
So I arrived at 2pm for my bloods to be taken, they were expecting me (fab) and a nurse even asked if I was having the port fitted and was I planning on staying the night? (Yes and Yes). Nice and organised, “you’re in bed 7, which is all ready for you. Great :)
Mum and Amber were with me at the time so they took us through to the day room, a cute little room with a couple of sofas and dining table and chairs and a tv & dvd player. Mum left pretty much straight away after I reassured her I’d be fine, then after about 10 minutes I was asked to go over to the building where they do the bloods.
There was another lady that was also having a portacath fitted tomorrow and we were both to get our bloods done at the same time. After chatting with her for about 10 seconds we discovered that she was from Letchworth and had also travelled up this afternoon. We chatted while we waited for our bloods to be taken and I found out that she had had stomach and bowel cancer last year and now they have found it has spread so she is having to have chemo for a second time.
I find it really difficult to talk to people in this situation with their Cancer as I feel so lucky to have had such a light brush with it and had a fairly smooth ride. My positive outlook on everything doesn’t come across so well when you’re talking to someone who quite clearly has a tough situation to deal with. I’m not naive to think that everyone should cope with it in the same way I have and I know that many people have it much much worse than me, but I honestly don’t know how else to behave, and this is why I struggle, as I worry that I dont express empathy very well.
Needless to say I had already planned on catching up with my blog while in hospital so pitched myself up at the table in the day room with my laptop and kept myself to myself for the rest of the afternoon.
The nurse that took my blood was the best blood taker I’ve had all year, it didn’t hurt one little bit when she put the needle in. However she put the blood in the wrong pots so an hour later another nurse (who was nowhere near as gentle) had to take some more!
I was given an information sheet on the portacath when I returned to the ward which was extremely straight forward and made it all much clearer to me, so here are some useful bits to help you, the reader understand too.
The implantable port is a thin, soft plastic tube that is put into the chest and has an opening (port) just under the skin. It allows medicines to be given into the vein or blood to be taken from the vein. The operation to fit it requires 2 small incisions to be made in your upper chest, the first is about 3-4 cm long and is where the port is placed, the second incision goes above this, and is usually less than 1-2cm long. The tube goes directly into a vein in your chest and is then tunnelled under the skin and attached to the port, which is fitted into a space created under the skin.
Shirley (the lady from Letchworth) and I had a talk from one of the nurses about the actual procedure for us and got to see the port itself. I was pleasantly surprised to see it was a lot smaller than I imagined it to be (I’d seen a lady with one at Lister and you could see it under her skin and it looked about the size of a pound coin), this was much smaller – the bit that is directly under the skin is smaller than a 5 pence piece and the nurse said you can’t normally see them once they’re in but people that loose quite a bit of weight after having it inserted can sometimes see it. (so with all my recently added pounds mine may well become visible over time!).
We’ve been told that we’ll be given something to relax us in the morning then taken for an xray at about 9am. We’ll have a jab of pethadine in our bottoms and have a local anasthetic just before. The procedure itself takes about 1 hour and we should be free to go home pretty much straight away if we feel ok.
The ward here is so relaxed, if it wasn’t for the typical hospital smell I could almost mistake it for a budget hotel (I’m not expecting much for the comfort of the bed but they gave me ice cream for pudding with dinner so I’m a happy bunny).
In the last few sessions of Chemotherapy my veins have started to complain and one has even collapsed completely! This is hardly surprising as the toxicity of the drugs that have been pumped into my body is pretty high. After my second treatment the vein used became hard and sore (bruise kind of pain) and my 5th treatment required 3 attempts to get a needle in and the 6th took 4!
Before I started Chemo it was mentioned to me about getting a portacath fitted, but it was dismissed due to me being young and my veins are strong so there should be no need for me to have one, but it would be re-evaluated as my treatment goes on.
Seemingly even young, strong veins can’t handle it in all cases and after cycle number 4 when my arms were starting to hurt when i roll my sleeves up (from the pressure on my forearms) I decided to bite the bullet and ask for the consultant to refer me to get a port fitted.
They had no problems in referring me for it as I had another 18 treatments of Herceptin to follow after the chemo and my veins would still struggle with them being used every 3 weeks. The only problem was that it had to be done at Mount Vernon and there was a bit of a wait to get it fitted, which may mean it wouldn’t be done in time for any of my chemo treatments (which obviously it wasn’t).
So I arrived at 2pm for my bloods to be taken, they were expecting me (fab) and a nurse even asked if I was having the port fitted and was I planning on staying the night? (Yes and Yes). Nice and organised, “you’re in bed 7, which is all ready for you. Great :)
Mum and Amber were with me at the time so they took us through to the day room, a cute little room with a couple of sofas and dining table and chairs and a tv & dvd player. Mum left pretty much straight away after I reassured her I’d be fine, then after about 10 minutes I was asked to go over to the building where they do the bloods.
There was another lady that was also having a portacath fitted tomorrow and we were both to get our bloods done at the same time. After chatting with her for about 10 seconds we discovered that she was from Letchworth and had also travelled up this afternoon. We chatted while we waited for our bloods to be taken and I found out that she had had stomach and bowel cancer last year and now they have found it has spread so she is having to have chemo for a second time.
I find it really difficult to talk to people in this situation with their Cancer as I feel so lucky to have had such a light brush with it and had a fairly smooth ride. My positive outlook on everything doesn’t come across so well when you’re talking to someone who quite clearly has a tough situation to deal with. I’m not naive to think that everyone should cope with it in the same way I have and I know that many people have it much much worse than me, but I honestly don’t know how else to behave, and this is why I struggle, as I worry that I dont express empathy very well.
Needless to say I had already planned on catching up with my blog while in hospital so pitched myself up at the table in the day room with my laptop and kept myself to myself for the rest of the afternoon.
The nurse that took my blood was the best blood taker I’ve had all year, it didn’t hurt one little bit when she put the needle in. However she put the blood in the wrong pots so an hour later another nurse (who was nowhere near as gentle) had to take some more!
I was given an information sheet on the portacath when I returned to the ward which was extremely straight forward and made it all much clearer to me, so here are some useful bits to help you, the reader understand too.
The implantable port is a thin, soft plastic tube that is put into the chest and has an opening (port) just under the skin. It allows medicines to be given into the vein or blood to be taken from the vein. The operation to fit it requires 2 small incisions to be made in your upper chest, the first is about 3-4 cm long and is where the port is placed, the second incision goes above this, and is usually less than 1-2cm long. The tube goes directly into a vein in your chest and is then tunnelled under the skin and attached to the port, which is fitted into a space created under the skin.
Shirley (the lady from Letchworth) and I had a talk from one of the nurses about the actual procedure for us and got to see the port itself. I was pleasantly surprised to see it was a lot smaller than I imagined it to be (I’d seen a lady with one at Lister and you could see it under her skin and it looked about the size of a pound coin), this was much smaller – the bit that is directly under the skin is smaller than a 5 pence piece and the nurse said you can’t normally see them once they’re in but people that loose quite a bit of weight after having it inserted can sometimes see it. (so with all my recently added pounds mine may well become visible over time!).
We’ve been told that we’ll be given something to relax us in the morning then taken for an xray at about 9am. We’ll have a jab of pethadine in our bottoms and have a local anasthetic just before. The procedure itself takes about 1 hour and we should be free to go home pretty much straight away if we feel ok.
The ward here is so relaxed, if it wasn’t for the typical hospital smell I could almost mistake it for a budget hotel (I’m not expecting much for the comfort of the bed but they gave me ice cream for pudding with dinner so I’m a happy bunny).
Following the Final Chemo treatment
After the exhaustion of #5 treatment, I was fully prepared to feel rough for at least a week if not longer, so I made sure I had nothing major planned for a couple of weeks afterwards and planned to do a lot of sleeping.
I had finally been given a date for my Portacath to be fitted for the Friday following treatment (22nd October) so knew I would be staying overnight at Mount Vernon hospital on Thursday night as I had to have bloods taken on Thursday afternoon and my theatre time for Friday was booked in for 8am so I thought it would make sense to have an afternoon to myself to relax, but apart from that I didn’t really have anything planned.
Anyway, I felt the usual disdain from the lack of ability to taste anything, which doesn’t sound like a hugely terrible side effect, but actually its the one that has bothered me the most. I’m considered a fussy eater, I don’t like a lot of foods and I won’t drink tap water. This isn’t usually a problem in my day to day life as I always eat enough (if not the healthiest of diets) and live on Perfectly Clear flavoured water. The problem arises when my flavoured water tastes nasty, because then I get dehydrated, this I’ve decided is the route of all my chemo side effects.
The “hangover belly” that I’ve referred to before has be the same symptom as a hangover because that is dehydration too. Normally I would just drink a lot, but when the only drinks that are even slightly veasible to drink are Orange Juice (too acidic in large quantities) and Fanta (my holiday abroad favourite when I can’t drink anything else) is so gassy and impractical to drink all day long. It just isn’t possible.
I’ve found that Lucozade Sport helps A LOT, but can be quite expensive and sickly if you drink too much of it. However it does help me out of the desperate days after treatment.
Basically, I haven’t been able to enjoy food for 5 whole days following this treatment and the most annoying part is that the lack of taste is not accompanied by lack of desire for food. I swear I must have put on at least half a stone this week as the only things i enjoy eating at this time are high calorie, high flavour foods, such as chocolate, cakes, sweets, mature cheddar etc.
As before there is always a day when the taste buds start coming back – usually day 5, this time it fell on day 6 – Cath’s baby shower. I sat and ate practically a whole (large) bag of cheesy balls and crispy sticks, plus 3 home made cupcakes, while everyone else sat there politely picking at a single cupcake and maybe a couple of crisps and bitesized snacks. I also managed to polish off 2 cans of Cherry Coke (delightful), then went home and had a big pasta dinner. (I had also eaten a massive full english Breakfast – cooked by my wonderful husband and a bowl of cereal before arriving at the baby shower). As I’m typing this even I’m thinking 7lbs is far too low an estimate of how much weight I’ve put on.
In terms of tiredness, I have had a sleep when Amber has napped every day this week (Wednesday - Saturday, with a short nap on Sunday between shovelling food into my mouth!).
I’ve been going to bed in the evenings between 7 and 8.30 all week with a late one on Saturday when the parents came round for a take away. We are now on the second Thursday after treatment and I feel absolutely fine again. Yey! That means I won’t feel chemo yuk again, hooray!
I had finally been given a date for my Portacath to be fitted for the Friday following treatment (22nd October) so knew I would be staying overnight at Mount Vernon hospital on Thursday night as I had to have bloods taken on Thursday afternoon and my theatre time for Friday was booked in for 8am so I thought it would make sense to have an afternoon to myself to relax, but apart from that I didn’t really have anything planned.
Anyway, I felt the usual disdain from the lack of ability to taste anything, which doesn’t sound like a hugely terrible side effect, but actually its the one that has bothered me the most. I’m considered a fussy eater, I don’t like a lot of foods and I won’t drink tap water. This isn’t usually a problem in my day to day life as I always eat enough (if not the healthiest of diets) and live on Perfectly Clear flavoured water. The problem arises when my flavoured water tastes nasty, because then I get dehydrated, this I’ve decided is the route of all my chemo side effects.
The “hangover belly” that I’ve referred to before has be the same symptom as a hangover because that is dehydration too. Normally I would just drink a lot, but when the only drinks that are even slightly veasible to drink are Orange Juice (too acidic in large quantities) and Fanta (my holiday abroad favourite when I can’t drink anything else) is so gassy and impractical to drink all day long. It just isn’t possible.
I’ve found that Lucozade Sport helps A LOT, but can be quite expensive and sickly if you drink too much of it. However it does help me out of the desperate days after treatment.
Basically, I haven’t been able to enjoy food for 5 whole days following this treatment and the most annoying part is that the lack of taste is not accompanied by lack of desire for food. I swear I must have put on at least half a stone this week as the only things i enjoy eating at this time are high calorie, high flavour foods, such as chocolate, cakes, sweets, mature cheddar etc.
As before there is always a day when the taste buds start coming back – usually day 5, this time it fell on day 6 – Cath’s baby shower. I sat and ate practically a whole (large) bag of cheesy balls and crispy sticks, plus 3 home made cupcakes, while everyone else sat there politely picking at a single cupcake and maybe a couple of crisps and bitesized snacks. I also managed to polish off 2 cans of Cherry Coke (delightful), then went home and had a big pasta dinner. (I had also eaten a massive full english Breakfast – cooked by my wonderful husband and a bowl of cereal before arriving at the baby shower). As I’m typing this even I’m thinking 7lbs is far too low an estimate of how much weight I’ve put on.
In terms of tiredness, I have had a sleep when Amber has napped every day this week (Wednesday - Saturday, with a short nap on Sunday between shovelling food into my mouth!).
I’ve been going to bed in the evenings between 7 and 8.30 all week with a late one on Saturday when the parents came round for a take away. We are now on the second Thursday after treatment and I feel absolutely fine again. Yey! That means I won’t feel chemo yuk again, hooray!
Tuesday, 12 October 2010
The Final Chemo
So here it is the final day of Chemo; it seems to have come round surprisingly quickly actually although I definately am ready for it to finish now.
For the first time I’m having psysiological symptoms where I’m starting to feel queasy and nauseus in preparation for the treatment which I haven’t experienced before . My body seems better able to remember what to expect this time and it isn’t looking forward to it.
After feeling so knackered last session I’m not shocked by this.
As usual I went down on my own, my friend Nicky was going to come along again but had to cancel at the last minute. Which was a shame as we had a lovely catch up last time but at the same time I was looking forward to just chilling and doing nothing during my treatment.
As before I had to be there an hour before as I have to take my Emend, in my pre-chemo visit yesterday I mentioned to the nurses and they said it would be sorted and ready for me as before.
It wasn’t.
I had to go down to the pharmacy and wait 30 minutes for it to be prepared for me. But no worry, it wasn’t like I was in any kind of hurry to get to the end of my LAST TREATMENT or anything! I was a bit annoyed, anyway I came back up to the ward and waited another 20 minutes or so before being called through to the treatment room to take my bloods.
Today I had Sally and she got me ready for taking my bloods, the first needle went in ok, but no blood came back, the second needle went in ok but wasn’t having any of it either, the third needle went in ok but no blood came back (even with lots of sweet talking to the vein and lots of wiggling of the needle in my arm).
So then Sally called Harry over to have a go – I was feeling really queasy by this point and she did suggest I could come back next Friday if I wanted to after my portacath was fitted, but I obviously declined – there was absolutely no way I wanted this treatment delayed any longer.
Harry started all over again – arm back in warm water to heat up the veins, then tried a hidden vein in the back of my hand. Hey Presto! We had blood coming back this time, finally they could take my bloods to check I was able to actually have my treatment today. The time was now 3.30pm, I had arrived at the hospital at 1.30pm!
Fortunately my bloods were fine and we had the go ahead for the treatment to begin.
Since my last treatment I had been quite lethargic (more so than I had before after treatment) so much so that over a week after my treatment I was still feeling pretty poo and in the last week of the cycle (week 3 –which is normally my feeling good week) I was quite exhausted.
I said to Harry that I would try and sleep during this treatment if that was ok and shut my eyes.
Then the nurses opened a box of chocolates! The lovely people that they are offered me some too and I’m far too polite to decline. I don’t think this helped me fall asleep though and found I could only sit with my eyes shut and listen to the nurses calling out names and regimens in a very rhythmical and monotone way. I must have dozed for a bit as the treatment itself did seem to go quite quickly. By this time I was the only patient left in the treatment room and it was lovely and peaceful.
So that was that, come 5 ‘o’clock I was done! I wanted to do a little dance and jump around - I was finished at last. The nurses were all at the end of their shift and although I’m sure could appreciate to some degree how I was feeling didn’t have the right level of enthusiasm for my liking.
So I left the hospital with a really bizarre combination of disappointment and happiness.
For the first time I’m having psysiological symptoms where I’m starting to feel queasy and nauseus in preparation for the treatment which I haven’t experienced before . My body seems better able to remember what to expect this time and it isn’t looking forward to it.
After feeling so knackered last session I’m not shocked by this.
As usual I went down on my own, my friend Nicky was going to come along again but had to cancel at the last minute. Which was a shame as we had a lovely catch up last time but at the same time I was looking forward to just chilling and doing nothing during my treatment.
As before I had to be there an hour before as I have to take my Emend, in my pre-chemo visit yesterday I mentioned to the nurses and they said it would be sorted and ready for me as before.
It wasn’t.
I had to go down to the pharmacy and wait 30 minutes for it to be prepared for me. But no worry, it wasn’t like I was in any kind of hurry to get to the end of my LAST TREATMENT or anything! I was a bit annoyed, anyway I came back up to the ward and waited another 20 minutes or so before being called through to the treatment room to take my bloods.
Today I had Sally and she got me ready for taking my bloods, the first needle went in ok, but no blood came back, the second needle went in ok but wasn’t having any of it either, the third needle went in ok but no blood came back (even with lots of sweet talking to the vein and lots of wiggling of the needle in my arm).
So then Sally called Harry over to have a go – I was feeling really queasy by this point and she did suggest I could come back next Friday if I wanted to after my portacath was fitted, but I obviously declined – there was absolutely no way I wanted this treatment delayed any longer.
Harry started all over again – arm back in warm water to heat up the veins, then tried a hidden vein in the back of my hand. Hey Presto! We had blood coming back this time, finally they could take my bloods to check I was able to actually have my treatment today. The time was now 3.30pm, I had arrived at the hospital at 1.30pm!
Fortunately my bloods were fine and we had the go ahead for the treatment to begin.
Since my last treatment I had been quite lethargic (more so than I had before after treatment) so much so that over a week after my treatment I was still feeling pretty poo and in the last week of the cycle (week 3 –which is normally my feeling good week) I was quite exhausted.
I said to Harry that I would try and sleep during this treatment if that was ok and shut my eyes.
Then the nurses opened a box of chocolates! The lovely people that they are offered me some too and I’m far too polite to decline. I don’t think this helped me fall asleep though and found I could only sit with my eyes shut and listen to the nurses calling out names and regimens in a very rhythmical and monotone way. I must have dozed for a bit as the treatment itself did seem to go quite quickly. By this time I was the only patient left in the treatment room and it was lovely and peaceful.
So that was that, come 5 ‘o’clock I was done! I wanted to do a little dance and jump around - I was finished at last. The nurses were all at the end of their shift and although I’m sure could appreciate to some degree how I was feeling didn’t have the right level of enthusiasm for my liking.
So I left the hospital with a really bizarre combination of disappointment and happiness.
Monday, 4 October 2010
The Initial Tests
On January 4th 2010 I went to Lister to meet with the consultant as per my referal from the GP.
He could not get any conclusive results from his examination and referred me to the QEII for an ultrasound and potential biopsy of the lump.
On February 1st I went to the Vicki Adkins unit in the QEII Hospital and had an ultrasound which showed 2 areas in the breast tissue that were unclear. The nurse decided it would be necessary to do a core biopsy test on both areas (i.e. 2 samples from each lump).
This was fairly painless (until the local anasthetic wore off) but was uncomfortable. I bruise like a peach anyway so had a rather tasty green bruise afterwards.
Then it was a 2 week wait until my results.
I was relatively unconcerned at this stage to be honest and almost completely forgot about the more serious implications this could have.
He could not get any conclusive results from his examination and referred me to the QEII for an ultrasound and potential biopsy of the lump.
On February 1st I went to the Vicki Adkins unit in the QEII Hospital and had an ultrasound which showed 2 areas in the breast tissue that were unclear. The nurse decided it would be necessary to do a core biopsy test on both areas (i.e. 2 samples from each lump).
This was fairly painless (until the local anasthetic wore off) but was uncomfortable. I bruise like a peach anyway so had a rather tasty green bruise afterwards.
Then it was a 2 week wait until my results.
I was relatively unconcerned at this stage to be honest and almost completely forgot about the more serious implications this could have.
Monday, 26 July 2010
2nd Chemo Cycle
Tuesday, 20th July, 2nd bout of Chemotherapy.
Just as a round up of how the first cycle went here's some bullet points of the good and bad things I experienced.
- Days 2,3 and 4 felt really nauseus had to eat constantly
- Day 5 - Poppy's 2nd birthday party, ate my body weight in crisps and dips
- Day 7 - Nasty, painful acne like break out on face - predominantly chin(s)
- Day 8 - got medicated moisturiser for skin
- Day 14 - skin calming down and not sore anymore
- Napping most afternoons while Amber sleeps
- Days 7-21 apart from skin issues felt pretty damn normal thank you very much.
2nd Cycle
- Day 1 - took medication as prescribed, felt a bit fragile but not too sicky
- Day 2 - felt wiped out, didn't feel up to doing very much, slept for about an hour at 4 then went to bed at 8.30pm for 11 hours
- Day 3 - Oh my God I feel like death warmed up, had to go to hospital for routine Physio appointment but didn't feel well enough even to drive myself the 5 minute car journey to the hospital. Went up to Forster Suite (the Chemo ward) while I was at the hospital just to check what I was feeling was normal, they checked my BP and heart and all was fine, they just told me to rest.
Slept for an hour when I got home, then had my sister come and be with Amber so I could rest some more. Felt the worst I have ever felt since being diagnosed, couldn't get comfortable sitting, standing, lying down, too hot, too cold. Horrible.
- Day 4 - Had to get out of the house, went on a family day trip to Woburn Safari Park. Best thing we could have done, had an amazing day, don't know if I would have been feeling any better if I'd just been at home anyway but regardless I felt a million percent better than the day before.
- Day 5 - Tea party at the In-laws - ate my body weight in prawn sandwiches, cakes and sugary treats (I think day five could be my favourite day!)
- Night 5 - woke at 11pm with sharp pain in stomach, just made to toilet - too many prawn sandwiches :(
- Day 6 - Feeling back to normal again
- Evening 6 - Back on toilet, think I'm going to actually die - really shouldn't have eaten so many prawn sandwiches. Phoned chemo emergency helpline incase I needed to be admitted to hospital - I didn't, just got told to take some immodium!
So now I'm back to the normal stage again hopefully until cycle 3. My only concern is the one thing that is meant to get worse is the fatigue and that really knocked me back this time. I don't know how I'll cope if it multiplies at the rate it did between cycle 1 and 2 for the next four cycles as I really struggled this time. Although I think the worst part was for me that I didn't know how long it would last for, next time I know I need to right off days 2 and 3 get some help with Amber and relax. Hopefully that will be enough, we shall see.
Just as a round up of how the first cycle went here's some bullet points of the good and bad things I experienced.
- Days 2,3 and 4 felt really nauseus had to eat constantly
- Day 5 - Poppy's 2nd birthday party, ate my body weight in crisps and dips
- Day 7 - Nasty, painful acne like break out on face - predominantly chin(s)
- Day 8 - got medicated moisturiser for skin
- Day 14 - skin calming down and not sore anymore
- Napping most afternoons while Amber sleeps
- Days 7-21 apart from skin issues felt pretty damn normal thank you very much.
2nd Cycle
- Day 1 - took medication as prescribed, felt a bit fragile but not too sicky
- Day 2 - felt wiped out, didn't feel up to doing very much, slept for about an hour at 4 then went to bed at 8.30pm for 11 hours
- Day 3 - Oh my God I feel like death warmed up, had to go to hospital for routine Physio appointment but didn't feel well enough even to drive myself the 5 minute car journey to the hospital. Went up to Forster Suite (the Chemo ward) while I was at the hospital just to check what I was feeling was normal, they checked my BP and heart and all was fine, they just told me to rest.
Slept for an hour when I got home, then had my sister come and be with Amber so I could rest some more. Felt the worst I have ever felt since being diagnosed, couldn't get comfortable sitting, standing, lying down, too hot, too cold. Horrible.
- Day 4 - Had to get out of the house, went on a family day trip to Woburn Safari Park. Best thing we could have done, had an amazing day, don't know if I would have been feeling any better if I'd just been at home anyway but regardless I felt a million percent better than the day before.
- Day 5 - Tea party at the In-laws - ate my body weight in prawn sandwiches, cakes and sugary treats (I think day five could be my favourite day!)
- Night 5 - woke at 11pm with sharp pain in stomach, just made to toilet - too many prawn sandwiches :(
- Day 6 - Feeling back to normal again
- Evening 6 - Back on toilet, think I'm going to actually die - really shouldn't have eaten so many prawn sandwiches. Phoned chemo emergency helpline incase I needed to be admitted to hospital - I didn't, just got told to take some immodium!
So now I'm back to the normal stage again hopefully until cycle 3. My only concern is the one thing that is meant to get worse is the fatigue and that really knocked me back this time. I don't know how I'll cope if it multiplies at the rate it did between cycle 1 and 2 for the next four cycles as I really struggled this time. Although I think the worst part was for me that I didn't know how long it would last for, next time I know I need to right off days 2 and 3 get some help with Amber and relax. Hopefully that will be enough, we shall see.
Am I losing my hair or my mind?
I woke up on Sunday morning quite excited to be able to do something pro-active about my hair loss, I expected to be dictated to by my body and not to have any control so this felt quite good.
So I had a shower without washing my hair (I wanted to give it 100% of my attention so did it separately over the side of the bath). Then psyched myself up to wash it all away...
It was soooo disappointing, not only did it not all come out but I was now left with a hairstyle where it was too weak to put product in it and too fluffy to be without. I wore my hat when I went out today :(
Monday, I washed it again, a bit more vigourously, and yes lots of my hair is now coming out and my sleep cap is looking more like a cat every day but I still have hair.
Is it wrong for me to want it to all fall out now? It just seems like such a pain that I've dreaded this moment for weeks and now it's here I want it to hurry up and finish already. It's the being between hairy and balding that is so frustrating. I look unsightly without a scarf or hat (really and that's being polite, my sister described me as someone off 'The Witches' by Roald Dahl) and the weather has been really muggy so I've had an overly hot head which has been really uncomfortable.
I've given up wearing my stupid pink hat at night cos it just disturbs me as I turn my head at night as I can feel it rubbing against my tender remaining strands of hair.
The sensation I have on my head is weird, its best described as when you brush your hair in the wrong direction, or if you've ever had long hair and have it in a ponytail all day then take it out, its uncomfortable but not painful. In the heat my head was really itchy and walking around even at home without a scarf is pretty much unthinkable until it's all fallen out, as I'm leaving a trail of hair wherever I go. My tiled bathroom floor looks like I've had it carpeted by the time I've finished in there in the morning.
I'm glad Amber is young enough that she won't remember any of this as the other morning when I was washing my hair over the side of the bath and there was a pile of my hair the size of a large mouse sitting in the bathtub that had been fished from the plug hole. She looked at me and said "Better", "OK" which in Amber speak means "It's Ok, and will be better soon". Bless her for not freaking out!
So anyway today is Monday, 26th I still have hair clinging on for dear life to my scalp but I have a rather fetching bald spot with Mr Baldy Man length strands trying pathetically to fill my head. Tomorrow night is my first Pampered Chef show since my hair started falling out so I'm going to have to decide if it will be the first outing for the wig or if I'll stick to the scarf. We shall have to wait and see.
This week has been a lot of firsts that I didn't expect to have - the first time of leaving my house wearing a 'cancer scarf', the first shop at Sainsburys wearing a 'cancer scarf', unexpectedly bumping into a friend at the petrol station wearing a 'cancer scarf', going to the zoo wearing...etc.
Surprisingly enough I'm starting to forget I'm wearing it which is a huge relief as I thought I would feel like I was wearing a flashing beacon on my head saying Cancer Patient (and the nice thing is even if people do think that I'm not aware of it so don't have to be consious of it).
For those of you that are wondering why I haven't just shaved it all off, there is a reason...
Apparently the longer your hair is, the larger (and stronger) the hair follicle, this is to enable it to hold onto the hair (in non chemo patients). If you cut your hair too short too close to Chemotherapy your follicle will still think it has long hair in it and will hold onto the root too tightly for it's weight therefore gravity won't be able to pull the hair out.
Once the hair has started falling out this is even more imperitive, because if the hair can't fall out on it's own it will remain in the shaft and could get infected (very bad for Chemo patients with no immunity to fight infection off).
So now you know!
So I had a shower without washing my hair (I wanted to give it 100% of my attention so did it separately over the side of the bath). Then psyched myself up to wash it all away...
It was soooo disappointing, not only did it not all come out but I was now left with a hairstyle where it was too weak to put product in it and too fluffy to be without. I wore my hat when I went out today :(
Monday, I washed it again, a bit more vigourously, and yes lots of my hair is now coming out and my sleep cap is looking more like a cat every day but I still have hair.
Is it wrong for me to want it to all fall out now? It just seems like such a pain that I've dreaded this moment for weeks and now it's here I want it to hurry up and finish already. It's the being between hairy and balding that is so frustrating. I look unsightly without a scarf or hat (really and that's being polite, my sister described me as someone off 'The Witches' by Roald Dahl) and the weather has been really muggy so I've had an overly hot head which has been really uncomfortable.
I've given up wearing my stupid pink hat at night cos it just disturbs me as I turn my head at night as I can feel it rubbing against my tender remaining strands of hair.
The sensation I have on my head is weird, its best described as when you brush your hair in the wrong direction, or if you've ever had long hair and have it in a ponytail all day then take it out, its uncomfortable but not painful. In the heat my head was really itchy and walking around even at home without a scarf is pretty much unthinkable until it's all fallen out, as I'm leaving a trail of hair wherever I go. My tiled bathroom floor looks like I've had it carpeted by the time I've finished in there in the morning.
I'm glad Amber is young enough that she won't remember any of this as the other morning when I was washing my hair over the side of the bath and there was a pile of my hair the size of a large mouse sitting in the bathtub that had been fished from the plug hole. She looked at me and said "Better", "OK" which in Amber speak means "It's Ok, and will be better soon". Bless her for not freaking out!
So anyway today is Monday, 26th I still have hair clinging on for dear life to my scalp but I have a rather fetching bald spot with Mr Baldy Man length strands trying pathetically to fill my head. Tomorrow night is my first Pampered Chef show since my hair started falling out so I'm going to have to decide if it will be the first outing for the wig or if I'll stick to the scarf. We shall have to wait and see.
This week has been a lot of firsts that I didn't expect to have - the first time of leaving my house wearing a 'cancer scarf', the first shop at Sainsburys wearing a 'cancer scarf', unexpectedly bumping into a friend at the petrol station wearing a 'cancer scarf', going to the zoo wearing...etc.
Surprisingly enough I'm starting to forget I'm wearing it which is a huge relief as I thought I would feel like I was wearing a flashing beacon on my head saying Cancer Patient (and the nice thing is even if people do think that I'm not aware of it so don't have to be consious of it).
For those of you that are wondering why I haven't just shaved it all off, there is a reason...
Apparently the longer your hair is, the larger (and stronger) the hair follicle, this is to enable it to hold onto the hair (in non chemo patients). If you cut your hair too short too close to Chemotherapy your follicle will still think it has long hair in it and will hold onto the root too tightly for it's weight therefore gravity won't be able to pull the hair out.
Once the hair has started falling out this is even more imperitive, because if the hair can't fall out on it's own it will remain in the shaft and could get infected (very bad for Chemo patients with no immunity to fight infection off).
So now you know!
Losing my Hair
Thursday, 15th July 2010, the biggest event of my business calendar - Pampered Chef National Conference - I get out of the shower in the morning, press my hands over my head to squeeze the water out of my hair and my hand comes away with loads of hair attached to it! Bloody Brilliant!
To be fair I actually expected it to start falling out 2 days before (two weeks from the date of my first chemo) as that is the earliest it was likely to start to come out. However as it hadn't happened yet I thought I might be lucky and get through my three day conference without having to deal with my hair loss until I got home.
No such luck.
I had totally prepared for this to happen though, I had already packed my headscarves (I even ordered a black one via special delivery to make sure I had something that would work with my Gala Dinner outfit), my sleep hat and my day to day hats, my roomie for the weekend Sara was totally up to speed with what to expect (a quivering mess) and the girls that I would be spending time with while I was away were all ready for me to arrive with a totally bald head!
Before it happened my mental picture of what to expect (despite this being completely different from what I had been told) was that the hair would all fall out in one great lump, or that I'd be sitting in a workshop and the person behind me would be distracted from the speaker by the clumps of my hair dropping to the floor at her feet. This was not the case however - although it seemed like a fair amount of hair had come out that morning, to look at me my hair looked no different.
I have to admit I'm a 'picker', a 'spot squeezer' and a 'scab flicker' having hair that came away when you give it a little tug is strangly satisfying if not a little disturbing, so for this reason I took to wearing a hat 24/7 while at Conference.
What was great with this was the fact that out of the 700+ delegates there, only about 15 of them knew my situation, the rest of them would have just thought I was a "hat wearer" or thought nothing at all, I was obviously constantly aware of the fact I was wearing a hat indoors but never-the-less thought I carried it off pretty well!
In the evenings I wore my previously titled 'cancer scarves' which actually are pretty cute and I dressed them up with flower clips from Accessorize (only 1 per outfit mind, I didn't want to look like I had a hanging basket from my head).
It may sound scummy but I didn't wash my hair again until Sunday - I was petrified if I did, it would all come out and I wouldn't be able to get away with just being a hat wearer, it wasn't too bad though as my hair seemed to have died and was no longer producing any oils so wasn't greasy (or smelly). Plus the showers at the hotel were super pressured and would have been a challenge for anyone with weak follicles to withstand.
When I got home late on Saturday evening I was totally knackered and couldn't face washing my hair, plus Jay was out and I kind of wanted to do the whole hair loss thing with him there. So I went to bed in my sleep hat (a terry toweling turban in baby pink) and prepared myself for the hair loss shower that I was going to experience in the morning.
To be fair I actually expected it to start falling out 2 days before (two weeks from the date of my first chemo) as that is the earliest it was likely to start to come out. However as it hadn't happened yet I thought I might be lucky and get through my three day conference without having to deal with my hair loss until I got home.
No such luck.
I had totally prepared for this to happen though, I had already packed my headscarves (I even ordered a black one via special delivery to make sure I had something that would work with my Gala Dinner outfit), my sleep hat and my day to day hats, my roomie for the weekend Sara was totally up to speed with what to expect (a quivering mess) and the girls that I would be spending time with while I was away were all ready for me to arrive with a totally bald head!
Before it happened my mental picture of what to expect (despite this being completely different from what I had been told) was that the hair would all fall out in one great lump, or that I'd be sitting in a workshop and the person behind me would be distracted from the speaker by the clumps of my hair dropping to the floor at her feet. This was not the case however - although it seemed like a fair amount of hair had come out that morning, to look at me my hair looked no different.
I have to admit I'm a 'picker', a 'spot squeezer' and a 'scab flicker' having hair that came away when you give it a little tug is strangly satisfying if not a little disturbing, so for this reason I took to wearing a hat 24/7 while at Conference.
What was great with this was the fact that out of the 700+ delegates there, only about 15 of them knew my situation, the rest of them would have just thought I was a "hat wearer" or thought nothing at all, I was obviously constantly aware of the fact I was wearing a hat indoors but never-the-less thought I carried it off pretty well!
In the evenings I wore my previously titled 'cancer scarves' which actually are pretty cute and I dressed them up with flower clips from Accessorize (only 1 per outfit mind, I didn't want to look like I had a hanging basket from my head).
It may sound scummy but I didn't wash my hair again until Sunday - I was petrified if I did, it would all come out and I wouldn't be able to get away with just being a hat wearer, it wasn't too bad though as my hair seemed to have died and was no longer producing any oils so wasn't greasy (or smelly). Plus the showers at the hotel were super pressured and would have been a challenge for anyone with weak follicles to withstand.
When I got home late on Saturday evening I was totally knackered and couldn't face washing my hair, plus Jay was out and I kind of wanted to do the whole hair loss thing with him there. So I went to bed in my sleep hat (a terry toweling turban in baby pink) and prepared myself for the hair loss shower that I was going to experience in the morning.
Friday, 2 July 2010
Chemo # 1
On Tuesday, 29th June I had my first session of Chemotherapy.
Before we left for the hospital, I could sense I was a little snappy, Jay was also quite tense and I just wanted to get it all over with. I was a little teary eyed on the walk over to the hospital from the car, but Jay just reminded me to stay positive and stop dwelling on the unknown (which I don't normally need to be told but I think it was all a bit much to take that morning).
My appointment was at 11am so we arrived a little early to try and speed up the process.
The day before I had been in to see my Oncologist (Mr Shah) - he doesn't come into the hospital on Tuesday - to get his approval for my go ahead.
I waited an hour on Monday before finally getting to see him, only for him to ask "Are you happy with everything you've been told? Are you happy to begin the treatment tomorrow?" The answer to both was "Yes" and that was it - at most a 60 second conversation after which I was told I could go home!
Back to Tuesday, after the waiting around on Monday I was sure I would have a better experience today (ever the optimist!), but no, about 40 minutes after arriving I was approached by one of the nurses who advised me that they only had a set of temporary notes for me and they were trying to locate my full notes before I could begin my treatment.
The problem being from what I gathered that my consent form for the Chemo was not in the temporary set.
Another 20 minutes and they decided it would be quicker and easier to get me to complete a new consent form so we could just get on with it! Phew.
I finally got to go through to the treatment room, which is a quiet, yet bubbly room with six comfy recliner chairs, one hospital bed and lots of natural light.
It should be said that the team of nurses working on that ward are FANTASTIC, all really friendly and attentive. Nothing is too much trouble and they seemed genuinely interested in me as a person not just a patient.
One of them is getting married next year and found out I was a Wedding Planner so is intending on getting my help over the next few months! She's also a Pampered Chef fan so I'll be taking some catalogues in with me next time - There are sales to be made wherever you are!! I might even ask to leave some order forms for her to drum up some more orders!
Once I had had some blood taken they started with the Chemo.
The Regime I'm on is FEC 75
(Fluorouracil + Epirubicin + Cyclophosphamide) the 75 stands for mg/m2
They start with the E which is the nasty toxic one that makes the hair fall out, it's also bright red in colour and makes your wee go pink!
I had a cannula put into my hand from which they took my initial bloods then flushed through some saline.
The first bit is administered via 3 syringes, in total taking about 20 minutes, during this time a nurse has to stay with you as if there is any leakage of the drug outside of the vein there is some very scary plastic surgery repair work to follow.
This is followed by a 5 minute flush, then I think its the F that follows - a clear fluid again taking about 20 minutes, followed by another flush.
The 3rd and final bit (The C) is then attached and takes another 25-30 minutes. Followed yet again by a flush with Saline.
Throughout the whole process I was kind of waiting for something significant to happen, I expected the Pink stuff to hurt for one, they gave such scary information in the pre-chemo chat about how toxic it is, it seems impossible for it not to be more noticeable when it's running through your veins.
The only side effect that did get me was at the very end during the final flush, my face went very tingly all round my sinuses and forehead. Apparently this is the C and only lasts about 5 minutes - and quite right not long after I noticed it, it started to dissipate again. Very weird sensation though.
After the treatment was over they provided me with my anti-sickness medication for the next few days and the instructions, then Jay went off to get my next session dates booked in (bless him he was with me for the whole thing, and was really quite fed up with the delay we had getting started).
We then got to go home, it was strange, I felt no different on the way home than I did on the way to the hospital (if a little less apprehensive) again I felt like I was waiting for something to suddenly happen - if anything I felt a little cheated and was tempted to say I felt crappy just for a bit of attention!
It was 2.30pm when we left the hospital, at 4.30pm the nausea started; just lightly at first (not even enough to alert Jay) but over the next hour it got steadily stronger. The instructions I had with the drugs was to take the next lot just before I went to bed, I could tell this wouldn't be easy.
At the pre-chemo chat they gave me a number to ring at any time of the day or night with any concerns or questions I had no matter how trivial they might seem. At 6pm I decided to ring them to see if there was anything I could do to try and alleviate the awful hungover/morning sickness belly I had.
They were great and told me I could take a couple of my tablets early then again when I go to bed. The drugs are better at keeping the nausea away than getting rid of it once it arrives, so the results weren't amazing but it did help a little.
The next morning (Wednesday) I had 3 lots of tablets to take - 1 lot I took before I got out of bed, another I took when I got downstairs, and the 3rd lot I had to take with food (I forgot to take these!).
Come 11.30am and the nausea was back, I had just put Amber down for her nap and was going to have a bit of shut eye myself when I realised I hadn't taken the other tablets. Time for a second call to the nurses! They told me I had to take them now and then again in 4 hours (this wasn't great as I had already been told not to take them after 2pm as they can affect your sleep at night).
I took one of the tablets as instructed then again at 3.30pm and again it did make me feel a bit better but there was still a low lying sense of nausea hanging around.
The rest of the day went by without anything eventful thankfully, I took the rest of my tablets at the right times and actually had no difficulty going to sleep (perhaps as I didn't ever get that nap in the day?). However one thing I have been struggling with is when I get up to go for a pink wee in the night I am really finding it difficult to get back off to sleep again.
The next morning (Thursday) I was very careful to take my tablets correctly, realising as I did so that I had only taken half the dose of the tablets that I had forgotten to take the day before (1 at each dose instead of 2 tablets). So on this occasion I took the 2 and had no nausea at all - yippee!
One of the difficulties I did have with (typically) the tablets I had to take most frequently is that they tasted awful if they touched my tongue and made me gag quite forcefully, so much so that I was getting myself in a bit of a state every time I had to take them. Eventually I managed to work out a technique where by I would glug and hold a mouthful of liquid in my mouth, drop the tablet into the water and swallow it all like the Whale swallowing Dori and Marlin in Disney's Finding Nemo.
This technique has proven successful from here on in!
Today is Friday, and I'd like to say I've cracked it, but I felt pretty nauseous for most of the morning, had a snack and a little nap and have felt just OK for the rest of the day, it really is like morning sickness as in the only thing that really takes the edge of it is eating, so watch this space for a huge, balding Emma to emerge!!
Tomorrow is my last day of tablets to take (unless I need them on the odd occasion), next week is my low immunity week, where I have to be really careful to to get too close to anyone that is unwell, as if I get an infection that is not treated I may end up in intensive care (Blimey Drama Queen!!).
The 3rd week is when my white blood cells start to increase again and I will start to (hopefully) start to feel a bit more normal. However in this first cycle this is the week where my hair is most likely to start falling out :(
All just in time for the following week where we start all over again.
Subject to my white cells being up to normal levels again my next session will be on Tuesday, 20th July.
Before we left for the hospital, I could sense I was a little snappy, Jay was also quite tense and I just wanted to get it all over with. I was a little teary eyed on the walk over to the hospital from the car, but Jay just reminded me to stay positive and stop dwelling on the unknown (which I don't normally need to be told but I think it was all a bit much to take that morning).
My appointment was at 11am so we arrived a little early to try and speed up the process.
The day before I had been in to see my Oncologist (Mr Shah) - he doesn't come into the hospital on Tuesday - to get his approval for my go ahead.
I waited an hour on Monday before finally getting to see him, only for him to ask "Are you happy with everything you've been told? Are you happy to begin the treatment tomorrow?" The answer to both was "Yes" and that was it - at most a 60 second conversation after which I was told I could go home!
Back to Tuesday, after the waiting around on Monday I was sure I would have a better experience today (ever the optimist!), but no, about 40 minutes after arriving I was approached by one of the nurses who advised me that they only had a set of temporary notes for me and they were trying to locate my full notes before I could begin my treatment.
The problem being from what I gathered that my consent form for the Chemo was not in the temporary set.
Another 20 minutes and they decided it would be quicker and easier to get me to complete a new consent form so we could just get on with it! Phew.
I finally got to go through to the treatment room, which is a quiet, yet bubbly room with six comfy recliner chairs, one hospital bed and lots of natural light.
It should be said that the team of nurses working on that ward are FANTASTIC, all really friendly and attentive. Nothing is too much trouble and they seemed genuinely interested in me as a person not just a patient.
One of them is getting married next year and found out I was a Wedding Planner so is intending on getting my help over the next few months! She's also a Pampered Chef fan so I'll be taking some catalogues in with me next time - There are sales to be made wherever you are!! I might even ask to leave some order forms for her to drum up some more orders!
Once I had had some blood taken they started with the Chemo.
The Regime I'm on is FEC 75
(Fluorouracil + Epirubicin + Cyclophosphamide) the 75 stands for mg/m2
They start with the E which is the nasty toxic one that makes the hair fall out, it's also bright red in colour and makes your wee go pink!
I had a cannula put into my hand from which they took my initial bloods then flushed through some saline.
The first bit is administered via 3 syringes, in total taking about 20 minutes, during this time a nurse has to stay with you as if there is any leakage of the drug outside of the vein there is some very scary plastic surgery repair work to follow.
This is followed by a 5 minute flush, then I think its the F that follows - a clear fluid again taking about 20 minutes, followed by another flush.
The 3rd and final bit (The C) is then attached and takes another 25-30 minutes. Followed yet again by a flush with Saline.
Throughout the whole process I was kind of waiting for something significant to happen, I expected the Pink stuff to hurt for one, they gave such scary information in the pre-chemo chat about how toxic it is, it seems impossible for it not to be more noticeable when it's running through your veins.
The only side effect that did get me was at the very end during the final flush, my face went very tingly all round my sinuses and forehead. Apparently this is the C and only lasts about 5 minutes - and quite right not long after I noticed it, it started to dissipate again. Very weird sensation though.
After the treatment was over they provided me with my anti-sickness medication for the next few days and the instructions, then Jay went off to get my next session dates booked in (bless him he was with me for the whole thing, and was really quite fed up with the delay we had getting started).
We then got to go home, it was strange, I felt no different on the way home than I did on the way to the hospital (if a little less apprehensive) again I felt like I was waiting for something to suddenly happen - if anything I felt a little cheated and was tempted to say I felt crappy just for a bit of attention!
It was 2.30pm when we left the hospital, at 4.30pm the nausea started; just lightly at first (not even enough to alert Jay) but over the next hour it got steadily stronger. The instructions I had with the drugs was to take the next lot just before I went to bed, I could tell this wouldn't be easy.
At the pre-chemo chat they gave me a number to ring at any time of the day or night with any concerns or questions I had no matter how trivial they might seem. At 6pm I decided to ring them to see if there was anything I could do to try and alleviate the awful hungover/morning sickness belly I had.
They were great and told me I could take a couple of my tablets early then again when I go to bed. The drugs are better at keeping the nausea away than getting rid of it once it arrives, so the results weren't amazing but it did help a little.
The next morning (Wednesday) I had 3 lots of tablets to take - 1 lot I took before I got out of bed, another I took when I got downstairs, and the 3rd lot I had to take with food (I forgot to take these!).
Come 11.30am and the nausea was back, I had just put Amber down for her nap and was going to have a bit of shut eye myself when I realised I hadn't taken the other tablets. Time for a second call to the nurses! They told me I had to take them now and then again in 4 hours (this wasn't great as I had already been told not to take them after 2pm as they can affect your sleep at night).
I took one of the tablets as instructed then again at 3.30pm and again it did make me feel a bit better but there was still a low lying sense of nausea hanging around.
The rest of the day went by without anything eventful thankfully, I took the rest of my tablets at the right times and actually had no difficulty going to sleep (perhaps as I didn't ever get that nap in the day?). However one thing I have been struggling with is when I get up to go for a pink wee in the night I am really finding it difficult to get back off to sleep again.
The next morning (Thursday) I was very careful to take my tablets correctly, realising as I did so that I had only taken half the dose of the tablets that I had forgotten to take the day before (1 at each dose instead of 2 tablets). So on this occasion I took the 2 and had no nausea at all - yippee!
One of the difficulties I did have with (typically) the tablets I had to take most frequently is that they tasted awful if they touched my tongue and made me gag quite forcefully, so much so that I was getting myself in a bit of a state every time I had to take them. Eventually I managed to work out a technique where by I would glug and hold a mouthful of liquid in my mouth, drop the tablet into the water and swallow it all like the Whale swallowing Dori and Marlin in Disney's Finding Nemo.
This technique has proven successful from here on in!
Today is Friday, and I'd like to say I've cracked it, but I felt pretty nauseous for most of the morning, had a snack and a little nap and have felt just OK for the rest of the day, it really is like morning sickness as in the only thing that really takes the edge of it is eating, so watch this space for a huge, balding Emma to emerge!!
Tomorrow is my last day of tablets to take (unless I need them on the odd occasion), next week is my low immunity week, where I have to be really careful to to get too close to anyone that is unwell, as if I get an infection that is not treated I may end up in intensive care (Blimey Drama Queen!!).
The 3rd week is when my white blood cells start to increase again and I will start to (hopefully) start to feel a bit more normal. However in this first cycle this is the week where my hair is most likely to start falling out :(
All just in time for the following week where we start all over again.
Subject to my white cells being up to normal levels again my next session will be on Tuesday, 20th July.
Thursday, 1 July 2010
An Aside
Just to let you know I have temporary skipped some entries that I have yet to write as I know the Chemo stuff is something you will probably want to know about as it's happening.
So I have posted an up to date entry with Chemo stuff tonight, and will attempt to fill in the gaps ASAP as well as keep on top of the up to date bits.
Sorry for being so behind, I've been off chillaxing in Greece!
xx
So I have posted an up to date entry with Chemo stuff tonight, and will attempt to fill in the gaps ASAP as well as keep on top of the up to date bits.
Sorry for being so behind, I've been off chillaxing in Greece!
xx
Thursday, 10 June 2010
The Hospital Stay
At about 8.30am (I think) the Doctors came on their rounds.
They checked my drains (I had 3 at this point with 2 collection bags - one for my right breast where they had put in the regular implant, one for my back, and one for my left reconstructed breast). The back and the reconstruction drain were both filtering into the same bag, and when the doctors measured how much fluid had drained they seemed rather alarmed at the amount and started talking about blood transfusions and possibly a return to theatre as there was much more than expected.
So back on Nil-by-mouth for Emma then (great, just as my appetite was warming up).
Nobody seemed able to make a decision as to what was going to happen to me, so I was left with instructions not to eat or drink until they found out what the surgeon wanted to do with me. In the meantime they asked the nurse to put the 2 drains that were currently sharing a 'blood bag' (as my sister-in-law lovingly referred to them) to be separated in to 2 separate bags to help them ascertain which site was the one that was loosing the large quanities of fluid).
Lunchtime came and went, no news from the nurses as to what was happening (apparently they were trying to get hold of Mr Javaid my plastic surgeon) and still no food for me :(
I think it must have been about 2 or 3pm before I was finally told that my surgeon was going to come and see me and decide if I needed to go back down to Theatre.
(Bearing in mind during all this, visiting hours don't start till 2pm and I've been sitting in my bed alone texting all the people that I thought should know that I could be having a blood transfusion - in hindsight I realise this was a pretty mean thing to do as it sounds pretty serious and no one dared text to find out how it had gone so were just waiting for more details).
To those that received that text and spent hours unnecessarily worrying, I'm very sorry x In my defense at the time it all seemed quite definate and I was just pleased to have something to message people!
Anyway the surgeon finally came up to see me, checked my new blood bags, said all was fine and no blood transfusion or further surgery would be required, and yes I could now eat! AARRGGGGHHHHH!
I think at this point I then rang mum and asked her to bring in a cheese sandwich for me as I had missed lunch (which she did with the crusts cut off and everything!!!) That was the BEST cheese sandwich I think I have ever had or will have again).
I apologise now that I don't remember who came in to visit me on which day but would like to thank everyone that did for the cards, flowers, gifts and chocolate (and those of you that texted etc) all I can say is that I felt like a celeb in my own private room as there was very few times during the 2-8pm visiting hours over the whole week where I was actually without visitors, so thanks very very much xxx
Here's where the rest of the week turns into a bit of a blur as I've left it so long to write this post since coming out,but here are some high(and low)lights that I feel are worth mentioning.
The Cathetar -
This was such a godsend, the nurse that was looking after me on the first day thought I was mad as I was raving about having it. Compared to the issues I had during my QEII stay with the bed pan etc it was amazing not having to worry about needing to wee. Not quite so sure about the positioning of the bag of wee that was on full display to any of my wonderful visitors and anyone else that happened to glance into my room. I was quite sad to have to have it removed.
The first time out of bed -
They were very good with me as I was quite apprehensive about getting up after fainting in QEII the first time I got up. There were two nurses and they let me do it really slowly.
Infact it was nowhere near as bad as my previous experience and I managed to make it onto the arm chair next to my bed without any problem.
When I was comfortable they ceremoniously placed the 2 blood bags onto my lap (by this time the drain in my right breast had been removed)and said lunch will be round in a minute, you can have that in the chair.
Now I don't know if you have any mental picture of these blood bags but they are semi opaque silicone sacks full of blood and puss and really the worst thing you can think to have on your lap when trying to negotiate hospital provided roast turkey, mash and gravy!
I'm quite aware that I have yet to give any details on the sucess of the surgery, I plan to dedicate an entire post just to that so don't worry. (I'm also considering posting photos (non sexual I promise)of my new boob etc but as yet haven't decided if I should or not.
The emptying of the blood bags -
Every morning they have to empty the drains and similar to the lunchtime situation the nurses are clearly unable to comprehend that actually the patient might not appreciate this being done quite literally under their nose. They are obviously used to the spluttering sound of nasty body fluid being emptied from a drain into a bed pan (and the visual aspect too) however I am not! Yuk.
The 2nd day of doctors rounds -
On my second day of recovery (Weds) there were about 15 people on the doctors rounds, it was the weirdest of experiences as I was still a bit spacy from morphine. They all gathered around my bed in my little room and stared at my boobs, talking about me yet at the same time manage to make me feel like I'M imposing by being in the room while they study me! I really wanted to wave my arms in the air and shout "I am here you know and I am a normal person with a brain so don't talk through me". I felt quite dizzy when they all left it was like an out of body experience.
The Nasty Nurse (NN) -
On Friday I was starting to pine for Amber. We had kind of decided that it was best not to bring her in to see me as it would upset both me and her and she was quite happy at home, but on this day I was really missing her, so I asked one of the nurses (NN) if she would be allowed in to see me. She said flatly "No, she can't sorry".
Later that day my bestest friend Shiv travelled up from London to visit me, we were both really looking forward to spending the afternoon chatting and catching up, which we did for about an hour uninterrupted which was lovely.
I think Mad then joined us and my dad came a little later, then 'Nasty Nurse' came in and said you have 2 more visitors outside. So I said great, send them in! She said "You are only allowed 2 visitors at a time, I didn't realise you had 3 people in here but I'll let that go, however 2 of these visitors will have to leave before anyone else can come in"
I was quite shocked by this and said as much to her, stating that I didn't realise this was the case as I had been having more than 2 visitors on several occasions since I had been on the ward. She (quite rudely I felt) said "It's in the bedside manual" and walked off leaving me to decide who to send away. I didn't even realise there was a manual, let alone that I was meant to have passed some exam on the contents!
Later that evening I spoke to one of my 'Lovely Nurses' about the situation and she said that my visitors could have waited in the day room (or Shiv could have waited in there rather than going home earlier than planned). Thanks for making that rule clear NN.
Ironically later I came across said bedside manual in the bottom cupboard of the bedside table (which I had no need to look in before this time) and read the section on visitors. Which for the record states that due to lack of available space around the beds they kindly ask for no more than 2-3 visitors at any one time per patient. Do I need to say it again "I'M IN A PRIVATE BLOODY SIDE ROOM AND I HAVE LOADS OF ROOM!"
Just to twist the knife a little bit further the NN later came in and said (rather triumphantly I felt) that they needed my room for another patient and I would be moving out onto the ward so I needed to pack up all my belonging immediately ready to be moved.
Anyone that came to visit me in that room will know that I made myself at home, there were bags, cards, flowers and magazines everywhere in that room, luckily Gail and Becky were still around so they helped me pack, I wasn't offered any help from NN or anyone else for that matter. About an hour after we had finished rushing to pack everything ready for an 'immediate move' they finally shifted me out into the ward.
I will probably come back and add to this post as I think of things but it's getting late tonight and I will end it here for now.
They checked my drains (I had 3 at this point with 2 collection bags - one for my right breast where they had put in the regular implant, one for my back, and one for my left reconstructed breast). The back and the reconstruction drain were both filtering into the same bag, and when the doctors measured how much fluid had drained they seemed rather alarmed at the amount and started talking about blood transfusions and possibly a return to theatre as there was much more than expected.
So back on Nil-by-mouth for Emma then (great, just as my appetite was warming up).
Nobody seemed able to make a decision as to what was going to happen to me, so I was left with instructions not to eat or drink until they found out what the surgeon wanted to do with me. In the meantime they asked the nurse to put the 2 drains that were currently sharing a 'blood bag' (as my sister-in-law lovingly referred to them) to be separated in to 2 separate bags to help them ascertain which site was the one that was loosing the large quanities of fluid).
Lunchtime came and went, no news from the nurses as to what was happening (apparently they were trying to get hold of Mr Javaid my plastic surgeon) and still no food for me :(
I think it must have been about 2 or 3pm before I was finally told that my surgeon was going to come and see me and decide if I needed to go back down to Theatre.
(Bearing in mind during all this, visiting hours don't start till 2pm and I've been sitting in my bed alone texting all the people that I thought should know that I could be having a blood transfusion - in hindsight I realise this was a pretty mean thing to do as it sounds pretty serious and no one dared text to find out how it had gone so were just waiting for more details).
To those that received that text and spent hours unnecessarily worrying, I'm very sorry x In my defense at the time it all seemed quite definate and I was just pleased to have something to message people!
Anyway the surgeon finally came up to see me, checked my new blood bags, said all was fine and no blood transfusion or further surgery would be required, and yes I could now eat! AARRGGGGHHHHH!
I think at this point I then rang mum and asked her to bring in a cheese sandwich for me as I had missed lunch (which she did with the crusts cut off and everything!!!) That was the BEST cheese sandwich I think I have ever had or will have again).
I apologise now that I don't remember who came in to visit me on which day but would like to thank everyone that did for the cards, flowers, gifts and chocolate (and those of you that texted etc) all I can say is that I felt like a celeb in my own private room as there was very few times during the 2-8pm visiting hours over the whole week where I was actually without visitors, so thanks very very much xxx
Here's where the rest of the week turns into a bit of a blur as I've left it so long to write this post since coming out,but here are some high(and low)lights that I feel are worth mentioning.
The Cathetar -
This was such a godsend, the nurse that was looking after me on the first day thought I was mad as I was raving about having it. Compared to the issues I had during my QEII stay with the bed pan etc it was amazing not having to worry about needing to wee. Not quite so sure about the positioning of the bag of wee that was on full display to any of my wonderful visitors and anyone else that happened to glance into my room. I was quite sad to have to have it removed.
The first time out of bed -
They were very good with me as I was quite apprehensive about getting up after fainting in QEII the first time I got up. There were two nurses and they let me do it really slowly.
Infact it was nowhere near as bad as my previous experience and I managed to make it onto the arm chair next to my bed without any problem.
When I was comfortable they ceremoniously placed the 2 blood bags onto my lap (by this time the drain in my right breast had been removed)and said lunch will be round in a minute, you can have that in the chair.
Now I don't know if you have any mental picture of these blood bags but they are semi opaque silicone sacks full of blood and puss and really the worst thing you can think to have on your lap when trying to negotiate hospital provided roast turkey, mash and gravy!
I'm quite aware that I have yet to give any details on the sucess of the surgery, I plan to dedicate an entire post just to that so don't worry. (I'm also considering posting photos (non sexual I promise)of my new boob etc but as yet haven't decided if I should or not.
The emptying of the blood bags -
Every morning they have to empty the drains and similar to the lunchtime situation the nurses are clearly unable to comprehend that actually the patient might not appreciate this being done quite literally under their nose. They are obviously used to the spluttering sound of nasty body fluid being emptied from a drain into a bed pan (and the visual aspect too) however I am not! Yuk.
The 2nd day of doctors rounds -
On my second day of recovery (Weds) there were about 15 people on the doctors rounds, it was the weirdest of experiences as I was still a bit spacy from morphine. They all gathered around my bed in my little room and stared at my boobs, talking about me yet at the same time manage to make me feel like I'M imposing by being in the room while they study me! I really wanted to wave my arms in the air and shout "I am here you know and I am a normal person with a brain so don't talk through me". I felt quite dizzy when they all left it was like an out of body experience.
The Nasty Nurse (NN) -
On Friday I was starting to pine for Amber. We had kind of decided that it was best not to bring her in to see me as it would upset both me and her and she was quite happy at home, but on this day I was really missing her, so I asked one of the nurses (NN) if she would be allowed in to see me. She said flatly "No, she can't sorry".
Later that day my bestest friend Shiv travelled up from London to visit me, we were both really looking forward to spending the afternoon chatting and catching up, which we did for about an hour uninterrupted which was lovely.
I think Mad then joined us and my dad came a little later, then 'Nasty Nurse' came in and said you have 2 more visitors outside. So I said great, send them in! She said "You are only allowed 2 visitors at a time, I didn't realise you had 3 people in here but I'll let that go, however 2 of these visitors will have to leave before anyone else can come in"
I was quite shocked by this and said as much to her, stating that I didn't realise this was the case as I had been having more than 2 visitors on several occasions since I had been on the ward. She (quite rudely I felt) said "It's in the bedside manual" and walked off leaving me to decide who to send away. I didn't even realise there was a manual, let alone that I was meant to have passed some exam on the contents!
Later that evening I spoke to one of my 'Lovely Nurses' about the situation and she said that my visitors could have waited in the day room (or Shiv could have waited in there rather than going home earlier than planned). Thanks for making that rule clear NN.
Ironically later I came across said bedside manual in the bottom cupboard of the bedside table (which I had no need to look in before this time) and read the section on visitors. Which for the record states that due to lack of available space around the beds they kindly ask for no more than 2-3 visitors at any one time per patient. Do I need to say it again "I'M IN A PRIVATE BLOODY SIDE ROOM AND I HAVE LOADS OF ROOM!"
Just to twist the knife a little bit further the NN later came in and said (rather triumphantly I felt) that they needed my room for another patient and I would be moving out onto the ward so I needed to pack up all my belonging immediately ready to be moved.
Anyone that came to visit me in that room will know that I made myself at home, there were bags, cards, flowers and magazines everywhere in that room, luckily Gail and Becky were still around so they helped me pack, I wasn't offered any help from NN or anyone else for that matter. About an hour after we had finished rushing to pack everything ready for an 'immediate move' they finally shifted me out into the ward.
I will probably come back and add to this post as I think of things but it's getting late tonight and I will end it here for now.
Wednesday, 2 June 2010
Enlargement of Reconstructed Boob NEW
Three weeks after the op I had my first expansion appointment. The procedure is very straight forward with the doctor simply inserting a needle into the valve/port that is attached to the the implant and injecting saline solution to expand the implant.
There was 225 ml capacity remaining in the implant and they would do this over a couple of visits. 100 ml today and then they would reasses the size comparison when I returned. Basically this is because the newly constructed boob’s skin needed to stretch with the implant increase.
It was the most bizarre feeling and it was exactly as I imagined it would be – like a balloon being blown up inside my boob – I felt like I did when I was breast feeding and my boobs engorged, I used to call them my Pammies, it was the same sensation but only in one boob. Its really strange though as my other implant was a set size I was really concerned that they would over expand it and I would be lobsided.
When one boob is tight and feels stretched it feels bigger even if it doesn’t look bigger and I was convinced they wouldn’t need to put any more in. More worryingly I only had a week and a half until I was going on holiday and wanted my boobs to be as equal as possible.
After the op they were quite evenly matched but as the swelling reduced there was definately room for improvement size wise on the reconstructed size.
A week later I returned for them to see if they could or should put any more in, they had said that often they over expand it then take some out again once the skin has stretched. I wanted to avoid this at all costs.
The doctor that expanded me this time was a young Scottish guy and he was really funny. He said as he was injecting the saline “There is something quite satisfying about watching a breast grown right infront of your eyes!”. That did make me chuckle. They managed to put the remaining 125ml in and thankfully I didn’t look lopsided, I did however feel very buxom all of a sudden and walked away from the hospital in the sunshine, in a vest top feeling really pleased with my new ‘rack’.
There was 225 ml capacity remaining in the implant and they would do this over a couple of visits. 100 ml today and then they would reasses the size comparison when I returned. Basically this is because the newly constructed boob’s skin needed to stretch with the implant increase.
It was the most bizarre feeling and it was exactly as I imagined it would be – like a balloon being blown up inside my boob – I felt like I did when I was breast feeding and my boobs engorged, I used to call them my Pammies, it was the same sensation but only in one boob. Its really strange though as my other implant was a set size I was really concerned that they would over expand it and I would be lobsided.
When one boob is tight and feels stretched it feels bigger even if it doesn’t look bigger and I was convinced they wouldn’t need to put any more in. More worryingly I only had a week and a half until I was going on holiday and wanted my boobs to be as equal as possible.
After the op they were quite evenly matched but as the swelling reduced there was definately room for improvement size wise on the reconstructed size.
A week later I returned for them to see if they could or should put any more in, they had said that often they over expand it then take some out again once the skin has stretched. I wanted to avoid this at all costs.
The doctor that expanded me this time was a young Scottish guy and he was really funny. He said as he was injecting the saline “There is something quite satisfying about watching a breast grown right infront of your eyes!”. That did make me chuckle. They managed to put the remaining 125ml in and thankfully I didn’t look lopsided, I did however feel very buxom all of a sudden and walked away from the hospital in the sunshine, in a vest top feeling really pleased with my new ‘rack’.
Thursday, 20 May 2010
The Dressing Clinic NEW
A week after my op and 5 days after coming out of hospital, I had to go in to the dressing clinic to check my woulds were healing well.
It was a very straight forward appointment having to wait only 5 minutes to be seen. I mentioned that the valve under my reconstructed breast was really uncomfortable, to the point of it making me wince if I moved in the wrong way, and that it was in a awkward position in regards to where my bra lays as it digs in.
The nurse explained that the valve had a magnet on it and that the surgeon would be able to reposition it next time I see him and not to worry. Phew.
They booked me in for a weeks time and said that in a couple of weeks I would need to come back for my reconstructed boob’s implant to be expanded (this is not filled to capacity straight away as there is obviously lots of swelling etc, meaning they don’t know what size it will end up). So they wait until all the swelling has reduced then they expand the implant via the valve mentioned above with saline to match the other regular implant in my case.
A week later I returned to the dressing clinic, this time waiting over an hour to be seen and then when I mentioned to this nurse about the magnet and getting the valve moved she explained that the other nurse had given me the wrong information. Aarrghh what is it with this hospital and just making up information as they go along?
She explained there is a valve that is magnetic but I don’t have one like that – my port will have to stay there for a few more months until all my expansion appointments are done but the surgeon will have to remove it completely for me to get rid of the discomfort. In the mean time all but 2 small sections of dressing remained, one on my back and one at the bottom of the reconstructed boob.
It was a very straight forward appointment having to wait only 5 minutes to be seen. I mentioned that the valve under my reconstructed breast was really uncomfortable, to the point of it making me wince if I moved in the wrong way, and that it was in a awkward position in regards to where my bra lays as it digs in.
The nurse explained that the valve had a magnet on it and that the surgeon would be able to reposition it next time I see him and not to worry. Phew.
They booked me in for a weeks time and said that in a couple of weeks I would need to come back for my reconstructed boob’s implant to be expanded (this is not filled to capacity straight away as there is obviously lots of swelling etc, meaning they don’t know what size it will end up). So they wait until all the swelling has reduced then they expand the implant via the valve mentioned above with saline to match the other regular implant in my case.
A week later I returned to the dressing clinic, this time waiting over an hour to be seen and then when I mentioned to this nurse about the magnet and getting the valve moved she explained that the other nurse had given me the wrong information. Aarrghh what is it with this hospital and just making up information as they go along?
She explained there is a valve that is magnetic but I don’t have one like that – my port will have to stay there for a few more months until all my expansion appointments are done but the surgeon will have to remove it completely for me to get rid of the discomfort. In the mean time all but 2 small sections of dressing remained, one on my back and one at the bottom of the reconstructed boob.
Monday, 10 May 2010
Post Op
7.45pm Monday, 10th May
5 hours 45 minutes since being knocked out I was coming round in Recovery.
Unsurprisingly I remember very little from this time apart from feeling very sleepy and being told I had a button to press that I could use every 5 minutes or as necessary to deliver a dose of morphine into my bloodstream. I think I was in recovery for about 45 minutes and every single 5 minutes that passed I pressed that little button.
I was taken up to ward 11b and put in a side room (number 6 for my memories sake).
I knew it was meant to be a warmed room and I had been told in recovery that it already had the heater on in the room so it was all ready for me (it wasn't of course and they had to run around trying to sort it out as soon as I arrived on the ward).
I asked the nurse to call Jay and my mum to come in as I knew they were both waiting at home desperate to know I was ok. The nurse that rang wasn't very clear so only Jay came along at first but when he arrived she asked him where mum was and he called her and told her to come over too.
Again I remember very little except for eating half a jacobs cracker with a little butter and drinking quite a lot of water, and having a very frustrating moment trying to get comfortable with about 10 pillows propping me up and not knowing what I needed my mum or the nurses to do to make it any better.
I know I tried to sleep but every 5 minutes (possibly as soon as the morhpine started to be processed) I opened my eyes, every time certain that at least 30 minutes had passed up until about 1am when I gave up and asked the nurse for some kind of sleeping tablet.
Even with that I think I woke up a few times but remember waking in the morning with no abiltiy to move without any pain (as obviously while I had been asleep I hadn't pressed my little button and the morphine had worn off). That morning was the worst, I felt awful, I was extremely stiff and just didn't know what to do with myself. The nurse tried to reposition me but I had a repeat of the last nights strop with the inability to explain what I needed her to do with my pillows to make it bearable for me.
Not long after that I think my drugs must have kicked in as I don't remember feeling that bad for very long. I managed to eat a custard cream and drunk a bit of water but didn't have the appetite that was so lively before my op which was rather disappointing to me, I felt quite cheated that finally I could eat and my body wasn't that bothered anymore. Typical!
5 hours 45 minutes since being knocked out I was coming round in Recovery.
Unsurprisingly I remember very little from this time apart from feeling very sleepy and being told I had a button to press that I could use every 5 minutes or as necessary to deliver a dose of morphine into my bloodstream. I think I was in recovery for about 45 minutes and every single 5 minutes that passed I pressed that little button.
I was taken up to ward 11b and put in a side room (number 6 for my memories sake).
I knew it was meant to be a warmed room and I had been told in recovery that it already had the heater on in the room so it was all ready for me (it wasn't of course and they had to run around trying to sort it out as soon as I arrived on the ward).
I asked the nurse to call Jay and my mum to come in as I knew they were both waiting at home desperate to know I was ok. The nurse that rang wasn't very clear so only Jay came along at first but when he arrived she asked him where mum was and he called her and told her to come over too.
Again I remember very little except for eating half a jacobs cracker with a little butter and drinking quite a lot of water, and having a very frustrating moment trying to get comfortable with about 10 pillows propping me up and not knowing what I needed my mum or the nurses to do to make it any better.
I know I tried to sleep but every 5 minutes (possibly as soon as the morhpine started to be processed) I opened my eyes, every time certain that at least 30 minutes had passed up until about 1am when I gave up and asked the nurse for some kind of sleeping tablet.
Even with that I think I woke up a few times but remember waking in the morning with no abiltiy to move without any pain (as obviously while I had been asleep I hadn't pressed my little button and the morphine had worn off). That morning was the worst, I felt awful, I was extremely stiff and just didn't know what to do with myself. The nurse tried to reposition me but I had a repeat of the last nights strop with the inability to explain what I needed her to do with my pillows to make it bearable for me.
Not long after that I think my drugs must have kicked in as I don't remember feeling that bad for very long. I managed to eat a custard cream and drunk a bit of water but didn't have the appetite that was so lively before my op which was rather disappointing to me, I felt quite cheated that finally I could eat and my body wasn't that bothered anymore. Typical!
Pre Op
7.00am Monday, 10th May.
I arrive with Jay at Lister Hospital EAU (Elective Admissions Unit) to "check in?" for my operation.
I had been told at my pre-op assessment that I was first on the Surgeons list for the day so should be going down at about 8.30am - quite a manageable waiting time 1h 30 mins.
They weighed me and measured my height (for the 3rd time this week?!) and put me in a bay next to a window in the pre-op waiting area.
I found out after about an hour that actually I was 3rd on the surgeons list and should be going down to theatre after lunch. A nice term I thought to use with someone that was nil-by-mouth and hadn't eaten since 7.30pm the night before. Great.
Anyway they gave me a snazzy gown, DVT prevention stockings and some paper pants (sexy) and told me to get changed, my surgeon would be round soon to see me and do the necessary markings on my so far fairly unscathed body.
The aneasthatist came round first and confirmed I'd be having a general anaesthetic and what to expect when I came round etc etc.
I asked her if I would be having a catheter as in the pre-op assessment I was told this was an option, she said they prefer not to use them due to infection risk - dammit.
Not long after this my wonderful surgeon Mr Javaid arrived with his equally wonderful assistant who I'm afraid I can't remember the name of. They had me stripped to the waist and started drawing all over my boobs and my back, I'm pleased to report they were very specific and really made an effort to make sure the section from the back was neither too large nor too small for the 'hole' that was going to be left after the original breast tissue was removed.
They also explained in more detail exactly how the procedure works, so here you go...
The breast tissue is removed by my consultant (Mr Agarwar) at the same time my Surgeon (Mr Javaid) and his assistant (Mr Noname) put the silicone implant in my good boob (soon to answer only to fab boob!).
After the initial surgery is complete, Agarwar goes off for his break and Javaid and Noname flip me over (gently I hope) cut an eliptical (eye-shape) section of tissue away from my muscle and skin, just under my left shoulder blade, leaving the armpit end attached along with the blood vessels and nerves (to allow a lesser chance of the reconstruction being rejected). This 'portion/slab/lump' of flesh is then rotated 180 degrees and fed under the remaining skin under my arm and relocated in the space where my boob used to reside. They then swiftly stitch the gap on my back together leaving a rather long but very neat straight line scar across my back (horizontally) which when healed will lay under my bra. I am then flipped back over again for them to build the mound that will become my new boob. At the same time inserting the expandable implant under the tissue ready for pumping up at a later date. Phew.
All of this should take approx 5 1/2 to 6 hours.
So, when the surgeons had finished explaining what they were going to do to me and had confirmed that yes I would be getting a cathetar and no they couldn't guarantee what my new bra size would be as they "don't make silicone implants in cup-sizes" apparently.
I was left for another 2-3 hours waiting to be told I could go down to theatre.
At 1.00pm they finally said they were ready for me so off I went with my carrier bag full of belongings and a drafty gown down to theatre, I was put on a gurny (I think it's called) and told we were just waiting for Mr Agarwar to arrive (Arrive? I thought, not being funny but shouldn't my surgeon actually be ON the premises before they take me down to theatre?) Well obviously so as it was another 30 minutes before they did anything else with me.
I was kindly lent a copy of Heat magazine from the staff room while the anaesthatists sat and chatted about what they'd eaten for lunch (does no one in this place realise how hungry pre-op patients are before going into surgery when they have been nil-by-mouth for 18 hours?!) I did actually ask them to talk about something else which they did (I think I was scary hungry by this point so they didn't dare ignore me!).
Finally at 1.30pm Mr Agarwar strolled in and looked totally baffled, as if he'd just woken up and been told he had to go into surgery, which was a little concerning as obviously I knew exactly what he was meant to be doing and felt a little nervous by his lack of conviction.
Just before 2pm I was rolled around to Theatre room 4 where the lights in the Anaesthetic room had blown (you can never get a good electrician when you need one eh)
So they moved me to Anaesthetic room 2 where the lights were working to put me under then back to Theatre room 4 - blimey what a palaver.
Well that's obviously all I remember up to as the rest I was thankfully fully unconcious for!
I arrive with Jay at Lister Hospital EAU (Elective Admissions Unit) to "check in?" for my operation.
I had been told at my pre-op assessment that I was first on the Surgeons list for the day so should be going down at about 8.30am - quite a manageable waiting time 1h 30 mins.
They weighed me and measured my height (for the 3rd time this week?!) and put me in a bay next to a window in the pre-op waiting area.
I found out after about an hour that actually I was 3rd on the surgeons list and should be going down to theatre after lunch. A nice term I thought to use with someone that was nil-by-mouth and hadn't eaten since 7.30pm the night before. Great.
Anyway they gave me a snazzy gown, DVT prevention stockings and some paper pants (sexy) and told me to get changed, my surgeon would be round soon to see me and do the necessary markings on my so far fairly unscathed body.
The aneasthatist came round first and confirmed I'd be having a general anaesthetic and what to expect when I came round etc etc.
I asked her if I would be having a catheter as in the pre-op assessment I was told this was an option, she said they prefer not to use them due to infection risk - dammit.
Not long after this my wonderful surgeon Mr Javaid arrived with his equally wonderful assistant who I'm afraid I can't remember the name of. They had me stripped to the waist and started drawing all over my boobs and my back, I'm pleased to report they were very specific and really made an effort to make sure the section from the back was neither too large nor too small for the 'hole' that was going to be left after the original breast tissue was removed.
They also explained in more detail exactly how the procedure works, so here you go...
The breast tissue is removed by my consultant (Mr Agarwar) at the same time my Surgeon (Mr Javaid) and his assistant (Mr Noname) put the silicone implant in my good boob (soon to answer only to fab boob!).
After the initial surgery is complete, Agarwar goes off for his break and Javaid and Noname flip me over (gently I hope) cut an eliptical (eye-shape) section of tissue away from my muscle and skin, just under my left shoulder blade, leaving the armpit end attached along with the blood vessels and nerves (to allow a lesser chance of the reconstruction being rejected). This 'portion/slab/lump' of flesh is then rotated 180 degrees and fed under the remaining skin under my arm and relocated in the space where my boob used to reside. They then swiftly stitch the gap on my back together leaving a rather long but very neat straight line scar across my back (horizontally) which when healed will lay under my bra. I am then flipped back over again for them to build the mound that will become my new boob. At the same time inserting the expandable implant under the tissue ready for pumping up at a later date. Phew.
All of this should take approx 5 1/2 to 6 hours.
So, when the surgeons had finished explaining what they were going to do to me and had confirmed that yes I would be getting a cathetar and no they couldn't guarantee what my new bra size would be as they "don't make silicone implants in cup-sizes" apparently.
I was left for another 2-3 hours waiting to be told I could go down to theatre.
At 1.00pm they finally said they were ready for me so off I went with my carrier bag full of belongings and a drafty gown down to theatre, I was put on a gurny (I think it's called) and told we were just waiting for Mr Agarwar to arrive (Arrive? I thought, not being funny but shouldn't my surgeon actually be ON the premises before they take me down to theatre?) Well obviously so as it was another 30 minutes before they did anything else with me.
I was kindly lent a copy of Heat magazine from the staff room while the anaesthatists sat and chatted about what they'd eaten for lunch (does no one in this place realise how hungry pre-op patients are before going into surgery when they have been nil-by-mouth for 18 hours?!) I did actually ask them to talk about something else which they did (I think I was scary hungry by this point so they didn't dare ignore me!).
Finally at 1.30pm Mr Agarwar strolled in and looked totally baffled, as if he'd just woken up and been told he had to go into surgery, which was a little concerning as obviously I knew exactly what he was meant to be doing and felt a little nervous by his lack of conviction.
Just before 2pm I was rolled around to Theatre room 4 where the lights in the Anaesthetic room had blown (you can never get a good electrician when you need one eh)
So they moved me to Anaesthetic room 2 where the lights were working to put me under then back to Theatre room 4 - blimey what a palaver.
Well that's obviously all I remember up to as the rest I was thankfully fully unconcious for!
Thursday, 6 May 2010
The Pre Op Assessment
Just had my pre-op assessment.
All is good to go for Monday. I've got to be there at 7am and will be going into Theatre at approx 8.30am for 5 1/2 -6 hours.
When I come out of Theatre I will be in ward 11b at Lister Hospital for anyone that wishes to come and visit, visting times are 2-8pm every day.
Subject to availability I will be getting a private side room as I need it to be really warm to allow the skin graft to take and I will also have a PCA pump (patient Controlled Analgesia) a little button that will release Morphine into my arm that I get to control (so don't expect any sense out of me if you do come in to see me!)
I also had my official before photos taken today which is quite exciting!!
Its all feeling very real now xx
All is good to go for Monday. I've got to be there at 7am and will be going into Theatre at approx 8.30am for 5 1/2 -6 hours.
When I come out of Theatre I will be in ward 11b at Lister Hospital for anyone that wishes to come and visit, visting times are 2-8pm every day.
Subject to availability I will be getting a private side room as I need it to be really warm to allow the skin graft to take and I will also have a PCA pump (patient Controlled Analgesia) a little button that will release Morphine into my arm that I get to control (so don't expect any sense out of me if you do come in to see me!)
I also had my official before photos taken today which is quite exciting!!
Its all feeling very real now xx
To Freeze or not to freeze?
The chances of me still being able to conceive another child after Chemo is relatively high 70/30% however because we were so sure we wanted another child we wanted to look into the options available to us to increase our chances.
So I went to see a man called Dr Banagee at Lister yesterday in the Gynae ward in regards to freezing my eggs.
(It should be mentioned at this point that although in my last post I put that I had to wait another 2 years following my Herceptin treatment at the time of meeting with this Doctor I was under the impression it was only a couple of months we needed to wait).
The options available to us are
1 - freezing my eggs - apparently very old school and has a very low sucess rate of actually producing babies at the end of it.
2 - IVF - having my eggs and Jay's sperm clinically fertilised and the embryo being frozen. A much higher sucess rate but a bit more difficult in the lead up for me.
Because we already have a child the NHS will not fund either option for us. It would be a cost in the region of £5k (The money isn't an issue at this stage as my insurance cheque is still in the bank, however it starts to become a different question when we are now talking about 4 years further down the line).
Its true I have always wanted 2 children, but anyone that knows me at all knows I ALWAYS said I wanted them close together. Amber will be nearing on 7 by the time I give birth to the next baby (and thats if I fall straight away) this is not my idea of close (or practical).
Jay and I had some very long and deep conversations last night and have decided that we do not want to put my body through any more treatments at this stage and if at the end of my treatment we still feel that we want a child we are happy to leave that decision up to nature. Yes it's not perfect but I've started to realise through all of this that I can't control everything and once in a while you just need to take it as it comes.
This is a huge decision and a very emotional one to make but we both feel it is the right one for us. We know there will be some friends and family members that will think we have made the wrong decision but we ask that you respect this as something that only we can decide.
This is not a flat out we're not having any more children moment, this is a lets see what happens, we very much doubt that we will want another child that much further down the line and don't feel it is necessary to go through a voluntarily stressful circle of events after everything I will already have been through.
I appreciate this post is extremely personal and apologies if I have given more information that you need or want from this blog. However I have found this the hardest entry to write and feel better for getting it out onto the page.
x
So I went to see a man called Dr Banagee at Lister yesterday in the Gynae ward in regards to freezing my eggs.
(It should be mentioned at this point that although in my last post I put that I had to wait another 2 years following my Herceptin treatment at the time of meeting with this Doctor I was under the impression it was only a couple of months we needed to wait).
The options available to us are
1 - freezing my eggs - apparently very old school and has a very low sucess rate of actually producing babies at the end of it.
2 - IVF - having my eggs and Jay's sperm clinically fertilised and the embryo being frozen. A much higher sucess rate but a bit more difficult in the lead up for me.
Because we already have a child the NHS will not fund either option for us. It would be a cost in the region of £5k (The money isn't an issue at this stage as my insurance cheque is still in the bank, however it starts to become a different question when we are now talking about 4 years further down the line).
Its true I have always wanted 2 children, but anyone that knows me at all knows I ALWAYS said I wanted them close together. Amber will be nearing on 7 by the time I give birth to the next baby (and thats if I fall straight away) this is not my idea of close (or practical).
Jay and I had some very long and deep conversations last night and have decided that we do not want to put my body through any more treatments at this stage and if at the end of my treatment we still feel that we want a child we are happy to leave that decision up to nature. Yes it's not perfect but I've started to realise through all of this that I can't control everything and once in a while you just need to take it as it comes.
This is a huge decision and a very emotional one to make but we both feel it is the right one for us. We know there will be some friends and family members that will think we have made the wrong decision but we ask that you respect this as something that only we can decide.
This is not a flat out we're not having any more children moment, this is a lets see what happens, we very much doubt that we will want another child that much further down the line and don't feel it is necessary to go through a voluntarily stressful circle of events after everything I will already have been through.
I appreciate this post is extremely personal and apologies if I have given more information that you need or want from this blog. However I have found this the hardest entry to write and feel better for getting it out onto the page.
x
Her2 Positive
This is a rather late post in the fact that I got this information nearly 2 weeks ago.
Basically being Her2 positive is a good thing as it means I am suitable to take a relatively new but excellent drug called Herceptin.
The drug works by blocking the process of the Cancer cells dividing and growing, it's specifically for breast cancer tumors and only 1 in 5 patients have high levels of Her2 receptors.
My cancer is ER negative which means that it is not triggered by hormones therefore will not respond to any hormone therapy treatment. Not fab but better than if I was negative for the Her2 test too as that would make it a triple negative cancer and a lot more agressive and difficult to treat.
The Herceptin drug is administered over 18 sessions, 4 weeks apart (at Lister Hospital) and won't begin until my Chemo has finished (16 weeks following my operation). It will be given via IV line into a port that I will have to have put into my chest that will remain throughout the time I have the treatment. This is because the veins in my arm would not be able to withstand the amount of pricking and poking that I will be going through :(
I have looked but haven't come across any particularly worrying side affects from the Herceptin drug, however, because of the nature of what it does (i.e stops cells from multiplying) we are not allowed to try for any more children until 2 years after my herceptin treatment ends; which will be just short of 4 years from now plus the time it takes to fall pregnant and have the baby.
This is the worst bit of news I have had during the whole process so far.
Basically being Her2 positive is a good thing as it means I am suitable to take a relatively new but excellent drug called Herceptin.
The drug works by blocking the process of the Cancer cells dividing and growing, it's specifically for breast cancer tumors and only 1 in 5 patients have high levels of Her2 receptors.
My cancer is ER negative which means that it is not triggered by hormones therefore will not respond to any hormone therapy treatment. Not fab but better than if I was negative for the Her2 test too as that would make it a triple negative cancer and a lot more agressive and difficult to treat.
The Herceptin drug is administered over 18 sessions, 4 weeks apart (at Lister Hospital) and won't begin until my Chemo has finished (16 weeks following my operation). It will be given via IV line into a port that I will have to have put into my chest that will remain throughout the time I have the treatment. This is because the veins in my arm would not be able to withstand the amount of pricking and poking that I will be going through :(
I have looked but haven't come across any particularly worrying side affects from the Herceptin drug, however, because of the nature of what it does (i.e stops cells from multiplying) we are not allowed to try for any more children until 2 years after my herceptin treatment ends; which will be just short of 4 years from now plus the time it takes to fall pregnant and have the baby.
This is the worst bit of news I have had during the whole process so far.
Monday, 19 April 2010
Reconstruction Date Confirmed
Finally got confirmation of The Operation date; Monday, 10th May 2010.
I have to arrive at The Lister Hospital at 7.00am - I suppose the only good thing about that is I won't have time to get worried before hand :)
Thats it for now, I have no other news!
I have to arrive at The Lister Hospital at 7.00am - I suppose the only good thing about that is I won't have time to get worried before hand :)
Thats it for now, I have no other news!
Wednesday, 31 March 2010
The Plastic Surgeon
I met a man today who has made me a very happy lady.
His name is Mr Javaid and he is my plastic surgeon.
I was given a booklet by my Breast Care nurse explaining the different types of reconstructive surgery that is available. There are 3 main types from what I could tell;
1 - straight forward silicone implants - relatively easy procedure, easy recovery, end result just ok.
2 - Latimus Dorsi flap - using muscle and skin from the back- bit more complicated, slightly longer recovery, end result very good.
3 - TRAM flap - using muscle and skin from the stomach (basically a tummy tuck!), very complicated procedure, long recovery, end result amazing.
I had gone in to the consultation with the idea that I wanted option 2 as I wanted a good result but as I would like to have another child in the future the scarring across my abdomen could become stretched and nasty looking.
So the surgeon asked me what my current size is (34 A) and I asked him if there would be any possibility of me getting larger boobs with this operation, he looked unsure and said he'd have to examine me to see what he could do.
After pulling and poking at my fleshy bits he said I was suitable for all 3 types of procedure however as I had already decided that the lat dorsi was my preferred choice he would be happy to go with that. He also confirmed that as I was clearly "depressed" with my current boobs (he said this with a wink) he would be able to do the augmentation on the other boob aswell. Big smiles from both Jay and me!!
This would work by them putting a silicone implant in my good boob to bring it up to a C/D cup and putting an expandable silicone implant which they insert under the tissue this has an internal chamber which is filled with saline to allow it to be adjusted to match the size of the other breast.
I will be left with a diagonal scar on my back which will lay under my bra strap and some weakness in that shoulder for a few months but otherwise will be fairly straightforward.
I will be left without a nipple for approx 3 months when I will be able to go in again and have that reconstructed in a similar way to the lady on 'Embarassing Bodies' a few weeks ago.
Currently my operation is scheduled for one of two dates 10th May 2010 or 24th May 2010. I will post on here as soon as I know.
In the mean time I am genuinely excited about the whole thing. I see this next trip into hospital as me going in to get my boob job and nothing about the Cancer. (Which I should explain is only non-invasive now as all the invasive Cancer was sucessfully removed).
I expect to be in hospital for 5 days and will have a recovery period of 4-5 weeks however may be able to drive after 3-4 weeks if I feel up to it (me thinks I might!!)
His name is Mr Javaid and he is my plastic surgeon.
I was given a booklet by my Breast Care nurse explaining the different types of reconstructive surgery that is available. There are 3 main types from what I could tell;
1 - straight forward silicone implants - relatively easy procedure, easy recovery, end result just ok.
2 - Latimus Dorsi flap - using muscle and skin from the back- bit more complicated, slightly longer recovery, end result very good.
3 - TRAM flap - using muscle and skin from the stomach (basically a tummy tuck!), very complicated procedure, long recovery, end result amazing.
I had gone in to the consultation with the idea that I wanted option 2 as I wanted a good result but as I would like to have another child in the future the scarring across my abdomen could become stretched and nasty looking.
So the surgeon asked me what my current size is (34 A) and I asked him if there would be any possibility of me getting larger boobs with this operation, he looked unsure and said he'd have to examine me to see what he could do.
After pulling and poking at my fleshy bits he said I was suitable for all 3 types of procedure however as I had already decided that the lat dorsi was my preferred choice he would be happy to go with that. He also confirmed that as I was clearly "depressed" with my current boobs (he said this with a wink) he would be able to do the augmentation on the other boob aswell. Big smiles from both Jay and me!!
This would work by them putting a silicone implant in my good boob to bring it up to a C/D cup and putting an expandable silicone implant which they insert under the tissue this has an internal chamber which is filled with saline to allow it to be adjusted to match the size of the other breast.
I will be left with a diagonal scar on my back which will lay under my bra strap and some weakness in that shoulder for a few months but otherwise will be fairly straightforward.
I will be left without a nipple for approx 3 months when I will be able to go in again and have that reconstructed in a similar way to the lady on 'Embarassing Bodies' a few weeks ago.
Currently my operation is scheduled for one of two dates 10th May 2010 or 24th May 2010. I will post on here as soon as I know.
In the mean time I am genuinely excited about the whole thing. I see this next trip into hospital as me going in to get my boob job and nothing about the Cancer. (Which I should explain is only non-invasive now as all the invasive Cancer was sucessfully removed).
I expect to be in hospital for 5 days and will have a recovery period of 4-5 weeks however may be able to drive after 3-4 weeks if I feel up to it (me thinks I might!!)
Tuesday, 16 March 2010
The Results of The Lump and Lymph Nodes
The 2 weeks following my discharge from hospital before I got my results passed surprisingly quickly.
The main thing we were waiting to find out was whether or not the Cancer had spread to the Lymph nodes as we knew this would lead to more complications and Chemotherapy which I had previously been told would be unecessary.
This time both Jay and my mum came in to see the consultant with me (Mr Agarwal again).
The Breast Care nurse Gill was also present to help explain anything we didn't understand.
The first thing he said was "We found 2 types of Cancer present" I took this to mean the lump and the Lymph nodes and couldn't hold back the tears.
However it turned out he was just reclarifying what we already knew - invasive and non-invasive.
He went on to say that they had removed 6 lymph nodes and they were all clear - thank God.
However, to be classed as a sucessful removal, the tissue needs to have at least 5mm of Cancer free cells at the perimeter. This was not the case in 3 areas of my tumour.
My tumour ended up being 4.1cm in diameter and was classed as Grade 3 Cancer.
What this means is that as I have such small breasts they would not be able to go in and "shave" any more tissue without major disfigurement and potentially be unsucessful anyway. So the only option was to put me forward for a Mastectomy.
For me this immediately brought images to my mind of the typical diagonal slash scar, however it was quickly explained to me that I would be suitable to have an immediate reconstruction i.e. in the same operation they would remove my boob and build me a new one at the same time! This way I would never be awake with only one boob - hooray!
This bit of information filled me with a surprising feeling - Joy
I can't explain it other than I have never had particular love for my breasts they have always played second fiddle to my bum and I do not have any emotional attachment to them as some women do.
When I asked my Breast care nurse if there would be any possibility of them making my boob bigger than it currently is when they rebuilt it (and obviously do something to the other side to keep me balanced) she said "almost definately" I was elated - honestly - a free boob job!!
It was explained to me however with this new information I would now need to have a course of Chemotherapy, but the Radiotherapy that I was initially told I'd have to have would no longer be necessary. So Swings and roundabouts - Chemo I hear is the better option of the 2 so lucky me!
I left the consulting room with a smile on my face that day :)
The main thing we were waiting to find out was whether or not the Cancer had spread to the Lymph nodes as we knew this would lead to more complications and Chemotherapy which I had previously been told would be unecessary.
This time both Jay and my mum came in to see the consultant with me (Mr Agarwal again).
The Breast Care nurse Gill was also present to help explain anything we didn't understand.
The first thing he said was "We found 2 types of Cancer present" I took this to mean the lump and the Lymph nodes and couldn't hold back the tears.
However it turned out he was just reclarifying what we already knew - invasive and non-invasive.
He went on to say that they had removed 6 lymph nodes and they were all clear - thank God.
However, to be classed as a sucessful removal, the tissue needs to have at least 5mm of Cancer free cells at the perimeter. This was not the case in 3 areas of my tumour.
My tumour ended up being 4.1cm in diameter and was classed as Grade 3 Cancer.
What this means is that as I have such small breasts they would not be able to go in and "shave" any more tissue without major disfigurement and potentially be unsucessful anyway. So the only option was to put me forward for a Mastectomy.
For me this immediately brought images to my mind of the typical diagonal slash scar, however it was quickly explained to me that I would be suitable to have an immediate reconstruction i.e. in the same operation they would remove my boob and build me a new one at the same time! This way I would never be awake with only one boob - hooray!
This bit of information filled me with a surprising feeling - Joy
I can't explain it other than I have never had particular love for my breasts they have always played second fiddle to my bum and I do not have any emotional attachment to them as some women do.
When I asked my Breast care nurse if there would be any possibility of them making my boob bigger than it currently is when they rebuilt it (and obviously do something to the other side to keep me balanced) she said "almost definately" I was elated - honestly - a free boob job!!
It was explained to me however with this new information I would now need to have a course of Chemotherapy, but the Radiotherapy that I was initially told I'd have to have would no longer be necessary. So Swings and roundabouts - Chemo I hear is the better option of the 2 so lucky me!
I left the consulting room with a smile on my face that day :)
Wednesday, 3 March 2010
The Ward
I was wheeled up to the ward after my shivers had subsided and found myself in a bay surrounded by OAPs - I was apparently on the stomach ward due to the need for extra women to fill the beds?!
I was fortunate enough to be awake in time for Jay and my dad to come and visit they seemed surprised to find me as my usual upbeat self and I think went home feeling quite reassured that I was going to be ok. (which of course I was.
I struggled to locate anything in my bags as I had had to chuck everything in so quickly after being relocated - previously it had been painstakingly packed so I knew exactly where to find everything when I needed it (obviously).
I proceeded to eat nearly a whole pack of caramel chocolate biscuits (delicious) and an alpen bar (so so).
I played on the ds for a bit listened to some music, read my book etc etc and decided to try and get some sleep.
My bladder had other ideas however and every hour it decided it was full and I needed to empty it - quickly!
The first time I was given a comode (a chair with a toilet in) but when I got out of bed and sat on it I fainted and after this I wasn't allowed to get out of bed and had to use a bed pan.
This is not a glamourous manouevre and I have a shy bladder so the nurse would help me up then would leave me until I buzzed again. (A very poor thought out strategy in my mind as I was left uncomfortably perched on a cardboard bowl until they got round to coming back for me).
Every hour until about 4am this carried on.
At about 1am I called the nurse for some sleeping tablets as the OAP opposite - I think her name was Avril? was snoring her head off and the lady next to her was punctuating every 5th snore of Avril's with an enormous grunt of her own.
I am a very light sleeper at home and even with my earplugs in and Jay's headphones over the top I could still hear the symphony of snores which brought me close to tears.
I managed about 1h30 sleep at about 1.30pm but at 3am they came round to check everyones blood pressure and I couldn't get back to sleep again after that.
Needless to say by the time morning finally came around I was exhausted. I wanted to get out of bed and swing for Avril when she quite boldly said "That's the best night sleep I've had since I've been in here". (A bit later that morning I did tell her that she had been snoring really loudly after she moaned at the lady next to her for doing the same!).
The doctors came round at about 10am and he said I could possibly go home that afternoon or at the latest the following morning as my drains were quite empty. I must have had a desperate look in my eye when he said there might be another night in hospital as by 12pm I'd been told I could go home as soon as my drains were taken out.
This procedure was very sore and they had to give me some Morphine to get through it. Along with the codine I was taking I became rather sleepy and managed to get another 90 minutes sleep before Jay came to collect me.
I walked out of the QEII at 3.30pm exactly 24 hours from the time I was anaesthetised for the operation.
I was fortunate enough to be awake in time for Jay and my dad to come and visit they seemed surprised to find me as my usual upbeat self and I think went home feeling quite reassured that I was going to be ok. (which of course I was.
I struggled to locate anything in my bags as I had had to chuck everything in so quickly after being relocated - previously it had been painstakingly packed so I knew exactly where to find everything when I needed it (obviously).
I proceeded to eat nearly a whole pack of caramel chocolate biscuits (delicious) and an alpen bar (so so).
I played on the ds for a bit listened to some music, read my book etc etc and decided to try and get some sleep.
My bladder had other ideas however and every hour it decided it was full and I needed to empty it - quickly!
The first time I was given a comode (a chair with a toilet in) but when I got out of bed and sat on it I fainted and after this I wasn't allowed to get out of bed and had to use a bed pan.
This is not a glamourous manouevre and I have a shy bladder so the nurse would help me up then would leave me until I buzzed again. (A very poor thought out strategy in my mind as I was left uncomfortably perched on a cardboard bowl until they got round to coming back for me).
Every hour until about 4am this carried on.
At about 1am I called the nurse for some sleeping tablets as the OAP opposite - I think her name was Avril? was snoring her head off and the lady next to her was punctuating every 5th snore of Avril's with an enormous grunt of her own.
I am a very light sleeper at home and even with my earplugs in and Jay's headphones over the top I could still hear the symphony of snores which brought me close to tears.
I managed about 1h30 sleep at about 1.30pm but at 3am they came round to check everyones blood pressure and I couldn't get back to sleep again after that.
Needless to say by the time morning finally came around I was exhausted. I wanted to get out of bed and swing for Avril when she quite boldly said "That's the best night sleep I've had since I've been in here". (A bit later that morning I did tell her that she had been snoring really loudly after she moaned at the lady next to her for doing the same!).
The doctors came round at about 10am and he said I could possibly go home that afternoon or at the latest the following morning as my drains were quite empty. I must have had a desperate look in my eye when he said there might be another night in hospital as by 12pm I'd been told I could go home as soon as my drains were taken out.
This procedure was very sore and they had to give me some Morphine to get through it. Along with the codine I was taking I became rather sleepy and managed to get another 90 minutes sleep before Jay came to collect me.
I walked out of the QEII at 3.30pm exactly 24 hours from the time I was anaesthetised for the operation.
The Operation
I was admitted to The QEII Hospital in Welwyn Garden City on 3rd March 2010.
I arrived at the hospital at 9.30am as requested only to find out my surgery wasn't scheduled until 2.30pm so I had a long wait in store.
My last meal was a bowl of cereal at 6.50am and I spent the morning fighting the urge to eat a chocolate biscuit out of my bag (as is habit if my belly grumbles and there is a pack to hand!)
At about 1pm Jay went home to relieve Grandad of Amber and I set out to finish my book before I was called for surgery (I managed it just!)
The lady in surgery before me over ran causing me to be "kicked out" of the EAU (in the nicest possible way) as it was the end of their shift. So I was taken to the ward I was to be on after my op.
Lovely I thought, I unpacked everything so it was all easily accessible to me when I was stuck in bed. Only to be told 10 minutes later that actually they'd had to move me onto another ward and I'd need to repack!
I then got taken over to theatre with all my bags etc and found it so much less stressful than I imagined as instead of being wheeled in on a bed I was able to walk into the pre-op room and get myself onto the operating bed. It was all a bit surreal to be honest.
I don't remember much except what felt like a 10 inch needle being pushed into my vein (I later discovered this was actually a very tiny needle and the anasthetic burns the vein as it is administered which is why it felt like a really long needle).
I woke up after the operation with a terrible case of the shivers and a very sore lip. I think the first words I said was "why does my lip hurt". It appears that when they had put the tube in my mouth to enable me to breathe they had trapped my poor little lip under the tube and it had been stuck there for the 2h 30 operation. It then increased in size for the next 10 minutes and made me look like I'd been punched in the face (great).
I should say at this time that apart from my lip I felt no pain whatsoever!
I arrived at the hospital at 9.30am as requested only to find out my surgery wasn't scheduled until 2.30pm so I had a long wait in store.
My last meal was a bowl of cereal at 6.50am and I spent the morning fighting the urge to eat a chocolate biscuit out of my bag (as is habit if my belly grumbles and there is a pack to hand!)
At about 1pm Jay went home to relieve Grandad of Amber and I set out to finish my book before I was called for surgery (I managed it just!)
The lady in surgery before me over ran causing me to be "kicked out" of the EAU (in the nicest possible way) as it was the end of their shift. So I was taken to the ward I was to be on after my op.
Lovely I thought, I unpacked everything so it was all easily accessible to me when I was stuck in bed. Only to be told 10 minutes later that actually they'd had to move me onto another ward and I'd need to repack!
I then got taken over to theatre with all my bags etc and found it so much less stressful than I imagined as instead of being wheeled in on a bed I was able to walk into the pre-op room and get myself onto the operating bed. It was all a bit surreal to be honest.
I don't remember much except what felt like a 10 inch needle being pushed into my vein (I later discovered this was actually a very tiny needle and the anasthetic burns the vein as it is administered which is why it felt like a really long needle).
I woke up after the operation with a terrible case of the shivers and a very sore lip. I think the first words I said was "why does my lip hurt". It appears that when they had put the tube in my mouth to enable me to breathe they had trapped my poor little lip under the tube and it had been stuck there for the 2h 30 operation. It then increased in size for the next 10 minutes and made me look like I'd been punched in the face (great).
I should say at this time that apart from my lip I felt no pain whatsoever!
Friday, 26 February 2010
The Mammogram
Before I had my operation I needed a mammogram to define where the lumps were positioned in the breast (to enable the surgery to be precise) and to check for any other areas in either breast that looked suspicious.
I was really scared about this as I had heard horror stories of how they squeeze your breast between two plates of glass and just as you think it can't be squeezed any more they go a little bit more.
I was pleasantly surprised - I obviously have a very active pain imagination and found it more uncomfortable than painful - not to discount those that have found it painful just for me it wasn't as bad as expected.
As soon as these results were back they could put me through for my operation.
I was really scared about this as I had heard horror stories of how they squeeze your breast between two plates of glass and just as you think it can't be squeezed any more they go a little bit more.
I was pleasantly surprised - I obviously have a very active pain imagination and found it more uncomfortable than painful - not to discount those that have found it painful just for me it wasn't as bad as expected.
As soon as these results were back they could put me through for my operation.
Tuesday, 16 February 2010
The Diagnosis
On 16th February I returned to Lister Hospital to meet with my consultant Mr Agarwal (a lovely little man who is hard of hearing and is very softly spoken).
I went along with my mum to see the consultant whilst Jay (my husband) and Amber (my daughter) waited in a different clinic where my mother-in-law works.
Strangely my dad was also in the hospital at this time visiting an old friend (I should probably have been suspicious at this stage that I would be receiving some bad news as why else would there be so many of my loved ones near by?).
When the Consultant explained that there were two types of Cancer (Invasive - Spread into the breast tissue and Non-Invasive - contained in the duct with no ability to spread) present in my breast I couldn't believe it.
He explained that I would need a wide local excision to remove the lumps and this would leave me with a slightly deformed breast and they would also need to remove some lymph nodes to check to see if the Cancer had spread.
I was to wait for a letter to confirm the operation date but that it should be soon.
I went along with my mum to see the consultant whilst Jay (my husband) and Amber (my daughter) waited in a different clinic where my mother-in-law works.
Strangely my dad was also in the hospital at this time visiting an old friend (I should probably have been suspicious at this stage that I would be receiving some bad news as why else would there be so many of my loved ones near by?).
When the Consultant explained that there were two types of Cancer (Invasive - Spread into the breast tissue and Non-Invasive - contained in the duct with no ability to spread) present in my breast I couldn't believe it.
He explained that I would need a wide local excision to remove the lumps and this would leave me with a slightly deformed breast and they would also need to remove some lymph nodes to check to see if the Cancer had spread.
I was to wait for a letter to confirm the operation date but that it should be soon.
Friday, 1 January 2010
Finding a lump
I found a lump in my boob - well realised it was still there in December 2009 and decided to get it checked out by the GP.
After initially being turned away for a check I rebooked an appointment with a female doctor just before Christmas 2009.
The doctor described my lump as a 'breast mouse' and nothing sinister in her opinion however she had to refer me to the hospital as general protocol dictates. (Thank goodness).
After initially being turned away for a check I rebooked an appointment with a female doctor just before Christmas 2009.
The doctor described my lump as a 'breast mouse' and nothing sinister in her opinion however she had to refer me to the hospital as general protocol dictates. (Thank goodness).
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